Opposition groups in the Republic of the Philistines have yet again filed their regular weekly impeachment complaint against President Gloria Buwaya Arroyo, but admitted to the media they still have more chance of shoving butter up a porcupine's arse with a red hot knitting needle than achieving their sworn objective.
Arroyo has fended off impeachment complaints like a Jedi Knight wielding a light sabre over the past three years due her domination of the Casa sa Magnanakaw (House of
The complaint accuses Arroyo of corruption, extra-judicial killings, torture, lacking a sense of humour, aggravated halitosis, witchcraft, hoarding kippers in her knickers and illegal arrests, mainly in keeping with the inherited political tactics and strategies of her late ex-president father.
Opposition congressman Ronnie Baboy Zamora said of the complaint: "I haven't seen much interest from other congressmen apart from keeping their heads down to avoid a bullet with their name on. They also fear she might put a curse on them too. Just look at that third nipple on her left cheek : definitely the mark of Satan on the face of his evil witch concubine".
But in a nation renown for political corruption existing and thriving at all levels of government it is little wonder they fear getting snuffed if they so much dare to rattle the bars of their gilded cages and challenge the purpose or edicts of the ruling elite.
Arroyo's domination of Congress sprouts from knowing where all the skeletons are buried, and too, those still rattling round in closets and wardrobes. While many of them were interred by her own obedient military henchmen, quite a few met their demise during the reign of her late father, ex-president Diosdado Tarantado Macapagal; who was eventually stricken by a constipated conscience and chewed his own head off after a series of haunting dreams where he was visited by the ghost of Harry Stonehill.
It is speculated by Manila's cynical media hacks that members of the congress and senate are so crooked and bent that if they dropped down dead 'en mass' there would be no need to dig a hole to bury them, but simply wind them into the ground like corkscrews.
Current foreign opinion polls say Arroyo is now the most unpopular Philippine president since the last most unpopular president, who happened to be the porcine charismatic clot and vaudeville clown Joseph Estrada, colloquially known by the hilarious sobriquet of Senor Tulu Nangangaliwa.
Arroyo pardoned the deposed Estrada in October 2007, paving the way for his release a month after he was sentenced to life in prison for massive corruption, economic plunder, and being a thorough all-round crooked twat.
While Arroyo is supported by a sycophant army and a boot-licking paramilitary national police force, and too the parasitic and powerful Catholic Church, her term in office expires in 2010 and she is not eligible to seek re-election.
Unless, of course, she pulls a 'Ferdinand Marcos' stunt and declares martial law on the eve of elections, imprisoning the opposition candidates on charges of terrorism (or perhaps, ironically, corruption).
Analysts speculate that political heavyweights are unlikely to join any bid to have her removed by impeachment, preferring to conserve their energies, and necks, for the 2010 election campaign so they might get their turn on the infamous Pulos ng Pagnanakaw gravy train through electoral campaigns of empty promises and blatant lies, perpetuating the big C-N combination : (no, not Chicken Nuggets) Corruption and Nepotism.
Senator Salazar Corruptioni, ex-president of the national airlines carrier PAL (Philippines Always Late) and leader of the minority Kapalmuks opposition party, told reporters he had seen 'better organised riots' than the current performance of Arroyo's administration.
Arroyo's husband Mike, affectionately known around Manila as 'Boyet Buwisit', has managed to embroil his President wife in a series of further corruption scandals through his own mendacious business dealings and influence-peddling.
Prominent elder statesman, Senator Utang na Loob, told reporters he personally would back the popular post-menopausal sociopath Senator Miriam Defenceless Santigago, aka Senora Balatkayo, for his party's presidential candidate in 2010 on a 'Winds of Change' ticket.
With the Manila-based Social Weather Station (SWS) reporting that some 3.3 million families experienced not having anything to eat on several occasions since Arroyo took power, a Wind of Change (positive variety) might be a definite improvement to ease their daily privations.
In a country burdened by a culture of corruption and the promotion and perpetuation of superstition by the influential Catholic church, the prime national exports have evolved to mail order brides and housemaids for the Western global market, with slave labour the number one export commodity for the cruel and intolerant Middle Eastern Arab states that stake their futures on the fugacious black oleaginous lubricant that is pumped from the bowels of their foul desert lands.
Cursed by the IMF, the World Bank and their own Oriental speciality-brewed affliction and yoke : the Asian Development Bank, whose sole purpose, from its inception, was to develop 'DEBT' and demand, through the sinister guises of 'Conditionality' and 'Good Governance', that structural adjustment policies be implemented to enforce the foreign privatisation of the Philippines' nationalised utilities and natural resources.
Evolving the government system from one of a blatantly counterfeit Democracy to an actual 'Corporatocracy', a 'quid pro quo' for keeping the Spanish and Chinese oligarchy's arses in a state of guaranteed perpetuity, has been the sole purpose of every elected president since Manuel Quezon.
Gloria has continued to perpetuate this policy for her shadowy western Zionist banking Masters, maximising profits for foreign corporations, regardless of the social and environmental costs. This has further created a condition of debt-obligated materialism throughout the nation, wherein even religious purpose and individual spirituality are compromised at all levels of society.
But the cost of control is the cost of the soul. Such is the tax on the wages of sin, as Gloria will eventually learn to her eternal cost.
Pity the proletariat population of such a beautiful multi-island nation whose guaranteed annual stipend of typhoons is further blighted with earthquakes, tsunamis, floods (and droughts), volcanoes, landslides, Islamic terrorists / Moro separatists, and a Communist New Peoples' Army.
Only a cruel and capricious God could further saddle and curse them with a government whose corruption defies description and is administered by political agents of self-interest.
Ay, Mang Pinoy, if it wasn't for bad luck, you wouldn't have any.
"Hoy! Gising naman!"