Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 17 October 2008

image for Arthur Pewty - Jimmy Bacon Is Dead Meat Jimmy Bacon Hiding In A Safe House

Arthur Pewty reputed godfather of Neasden, criminal kingpin and all round hard bastard has just opened his front door to address the gathered media hordes.

We report live as he speaks:

'I keep telling you idiots, including the MI6 blokes in the unmarked surveillance van that I am not a gangster.

But I've just been informed about a deeply personal attack on my character by Jimmy Bacon.

This pillock claims to have shagged my wife and he reckons I'm past it. The prick.

Let me tell you this, yes, I am a grandad, and yes, I have got dodgy knees and a bad back, but isn't that what I've been telling you all along?

I am not a gangster, but Jimmy Bacon has overstepped the mark here. He's just gone too far.

I tell you now - Jimmy Bacon is dead meat. I'm going to catch up with him and bite his eyes out, rip his leg off and hit him with the soggy end. I'm gonna rupture his spleen and rip his throat out. Then I'm gonna shit in his mouth.

Apart from that I'm strictly a family man.

Now thank you and fuck off.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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