Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 17 October 2008

A statement released from an undisclosed location, Laura Rebecca Pewty, stepdaughter of Neasden crime kingpin and alleged murderer Arthur Pewty.

'There's no way my stepdad is a gangster. He's just an ordinary bloke who works shifts in a factory. He can be a really decent bloke at times but he has a serious drink problem and needs sympathy rather than MI6 and the media forever on his case.

'He got so pissed the other week that he rolled off the sofa and banged his head on the floor. We got the whole incident on video in an attempt to shame him. It didn't work.

'But having said that, for all his bad points, like being bone idle, argumentative, loudmouthed, aggressive, useless round the house, rarely sober, a self centred opinionated prick who thinks he's really clever but never takes proper care of my mum, Beryl, I must say that he is kind to the cats, family pets, Scrappy and Doris.

'I would appeal to the media to give him a break. Arthur and Mum sometimes babysit for me, and my kids find it quite traumatic having to run the gauntlet of TV crews, papparazzi, secret agents, undercover police etc to even get into the flat.

'So please just leave him alone. The family is sick of it all. Thank you'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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