Written by Rob Barratt
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Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Halloween is coming up so I thought I'd send this in. The friendly "greeter" in my local supermarket mispronounced "Beers, wines and spirits" whilst on mic. It got me thinking and I wrote this:

Beerswines and Spirits by Rob Barratt

When the supermarket's quiet at the end of the day
The beerswines and spirits all come out to play

The swines drink their beer from a can with a widget
They swig and they lurch and they fiddle and fidget

The spirits watch carefully and make their escape
From alongside the wines marked Australia and Cape

They wait for the moment when no one's around
And together they strut, never making a sound

The beerswines wear grins and with lager they slobber
The spirits all play hide and seek and just hover

When workers are checking computers and files
The beerswines and spirits cavort down the aisles

And on All Hallows' Eve in the dead of the night
These mischievous ghosts will give someone a fright

'Cos it's then they'll materialise in your supermarket
(Just drive up in your car, indicate and then park it)

But beware on that night if you hear any "hics"
As the beerswines and spirits get up to their tricks

Ghosts love an old castle, indoors or al fresco
So why not a Morrisons, Coop or Tesco

The spirits will fly. Through the cereals they'll prance
Then the beerswines will sway and start dropping their pants

The spirits will pirouette gaily and frolic
While the beerswines drink anything that looks alcoholic

And now these stores open for twenty-four hours
These inebriate spooks are increasing their powers

They smell of white cider. It's difficult to mask it
They take things off the shelves and swap stuff in your basket

At the till if you find in your trolley you've got
A rather large mango or a single shallot

That you didn't put in and you cannot explain
It's the beerswines and spirits enjoying a game

So when shopping, if you feel a chill down your spine
You'll know right behind you there lurks a beerswine

When the supermarket's quiet at the end of the day
The beerswines and spirits all come out to play

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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