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Saturday, 11 October 2008

[Below is a transcript of the latest broadcast from BCD news]

Charley: A bombshell revelation is roilng the 08 presidential campaign today. Apparently reaearchers at the Washington Post have uncovered evidence that republican VP nominee Sarah Palin was observed back in nursery school, picking her nose during afternoon naptime.

For more on this bombshell we go now to our man in the field Rick Rover. Rick, where are you right now?

Rick: Charley, I'm standing outside room 2 of the Wasilla Community Nursery School. If the reports are accurate, this is where it took placed, this is the room, Charley where, in the early afternoon forty years ago Sarah Heath [ed: Palin's maiden name] was observed picking her nose.

Charley we going inside now to update you on the investigation. As you can see behind me investigators are trying to determine, if the accusations are true, what did she do, what did the young Sarah, future mayor of Wasilla, future Govenor of the state of Alaska, do with the booger.

Let's talk now with the spokesman for the investgation Mary Denvers.

Mary: Rick, the issue that is at the top of our agenda is to determine: did Palin deface public property by wiping the booger on her desk. Because, you can understand, this flies in the face of Palin's claims, claims she has repeatedly made on the campaign trail, that she is a public servant we can trust.

Rick: So, Mary, is there evidence that she did wipe the booger on the desk? Isn't it possible the she just flicked it on the floor?

Mary: That would be just as bad an outcome for the Palin campaign, because such an act would increase the work load on the janitorial staff, the people Palin so deceptively claims to represent.

Charley: Rick hold on. I hate to cut you off but we have breaking news. We'll get back to Rick in a moment.

We go now to breaking news on this latest bombshell to Shelly Marks. Shelly are you there?

Shelley: Charley, yes I'm here at Palin's former church, the Wasilla Assemblies of God, where we are just getting this late breaking story. Apparently there may be video evidence of a confession.

Charley: I'm sorry Shelly, are you saying that Palin has stepped forward to confess that she had indeed picked her nose as investigators claim?

Shelley: No, not exactly Charley. As you know, this bombshell story broke when eyewitnesses, uncovered by our colleagues at the Washington Post, came forward. But what we've just learned Charley, is that after school that day, that fateful November day, 40 years ago, young Sarah Heath as she was known then, was rushed here to her church, Assembles of God, and in a videoctaped session, she confessed to her transgression.

Charley: hm.. Shelley, is the church going to relase the tape so we can show it to our viewers?

Shelley: Charley the tape has been released. But the investigation has stalled a bit. Apparently the team from Washington Post burned through their budget researching Palin's expense account. They're hoping to get a cash infusion from the New York Times.

Charley: Shelly, have you seen the tape? Is the evidence conclusive?

Shelley: Charley, I have listened to it, but as you can imagine after 40 years the audio quality is bad. But worse than that, investigators suspect, in a further shocking revelation, that the 4 year old Sarah, may have been speaking in tongues.

Charley: Well Shelley, given that Palin was only 4 years old at the time, is it possible that she was talking babytalk?

Shelley: Investigators are adamant on that issue as well Charley. Operatives from the Obama campaign have made it clear, in their opinion, babytalk is no excuse, and that if Palin wants to prove she is qualifed to be a heartbeat away from the presidency she needs to come forward immediately and assist with the translation.

Charley: Well, I have to admit, I can see their point. I mean how would a Vice President Palin be able to stand up to Putin if this controversy follows her into office?

Well great job Shelley on this tough tough story. I know our viewers appreciate all the great work your doing in difficult circumstances.

We go now back to Rick Rovers at the Wasilla Community Nursery School . Rick, is there anything new on your end?

Rick: Charley, we are getting a new report that investigators are getting some indication that there may be actual photographic evidence that Palin did indeed pick her nose. Additional witnesses, other classmates from nursery school, have come forward and they may, indeed, have hard evidence against Palin.

Charley: Ok. Thanks Rick.

We turn now for commentary on this breaking story to our panel.

Bob, I guess people are beginning to refer to this situation, that is so bedeviling the McCain campaign, as 'boogergate' .. What are your impressions of the possible political fallout?

Bob: Well I think the good news here, for the Republicans, is that I don't think this will spread to the top if the ticket; because, as you know Charley, due to his war injuries McCain is simply not able to pick his own nose .. at least not without help.

Jane: (interrupting) I think you're oversimplifying Bob. What the voters will want to know is not whether McCain picked his own nose, but whether or not he has, in fact, picked Palin's nose. Or for that matter they may not care if he has or hasn't, but whether he has ever wanted to pick Palin's nose.

Roger: It's not going to influence the battleground states either way. If you recall during the Kerry campaign, there where similar rumors about Teresa Heinz, Kerry's wife, and it had no influence, at all, with the kind of blue collar voters that Palin appeals to.

Charley: Ok. We have Mike Rasmasdazz here with rasmadazzme.com to cover the impact this story may have on the latest polls. Mike, is 'boogergate' showing up in your poll numbers at this point or is it still too early?

Mike: Charley we are beginning to see some effect but as Roger said it seems to be confined to the urban elites, if you will, the Obama supporters who prefer Brie with their Chablis rather than Camembert.

Charley: Brea over Camembert? Ok Mike, thank-you for that report. We'll definately have to keep an eye on this story.

Charley: Thank you folks for joining us tonight. Please join us later tonight for a special 11 pm update on this breaking story, perhaps the most significant of the 08 campaign. tonight at 11 PM: "Palin and Boogergate: Did She or Didn't She". Thanks folks, good-night.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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