Written by aknzrdude
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Wednesday, 16 June 2004

Rush Limbaugh, the well known talk conservative talk show host is facing his third divorce. Having survived encounters with the Dade County investigations into his drug habits, and his battle with deafness, the embattled Rush tried unsuccessfully to prevent a press conference by his wife Mara Limbaugh revealing secrets Rush wanted kept quiet.

“He is not named Rush for no reason” said Mrs. Limbaugh. “He is a true American patriot, in fact I call him a real minuteman” said Mrs Limbaugh.

“Rush is a true conservative visionary, however his big belly obscures his vision below his stomach, leading to sometimes delicate nocturnal positions when consummating our marriage” continued Mrs. Limbaugh. “His deafness aggravated the situation because he could not hear it when I yell at him that he is unable to locate the correct orifice.”

A cochlear hearing device implant was suggested by auditory specialists and Rush jumped at the chance, thinking it would improve his manhood’s girth, it was only after the operation was completed did Rush hear it correctly. “I thought you meant an implant to increase my private part’s functionality for a year” Rush was heard to comment.

Marta is looking towards enjoying at least part of the $24 million oceanfront mansion the couple shared in Palm Beach.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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