A former Mr Gay UK slit his lover's throat then marinated his diced flesh with fresh herbs.
Good heavens! There's only one thing poor Mr Gay UK can now do:
(phone ringing…ringing…ringing…gets picked up)
Gay: "Mr. Simpson, is that you?"
Low Husky Voice: "Yeah, it be."
Gay: "Mr. Simpson, I am your biggest fan. Because of your superb knife work, I was totally inspired to become a chef! I'm the fastest dicer in all England!"
Low Husky Voice: "Yeah, so what. Hurry it up - exercise yard about to open. I got me some cigarettes I gotta trade…"
Gay: "Okay, okay - Mr. Simpson, there's only one thing I want to ask you. PLEASE, you have to answer me - a fellow brother of the knife. Mr. Simpson, please tell me: WHO'S YOUR LAWYER?! And, the first one - not your latest loser!"
Low Husky Voice: "(expletive deleted…deleted…several minutes more of expletives deleted) (pause) (heavy sigh) That be Johnny - Johnny Cochrane. What a lawyer! That man could get anyone off! Which reminds me, gotta get out to duh exercise yard to get some o' dat…where them damn cigarettes?!…"
(time limit circuitry automatically cut off the call.)