Written by Judge Retort
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Tuesday, 7 October 2008

image for A Spoonful of Peanut Butter'll Cure What Ails Ya The boys' patented nasal application pallete

This is the story of Jeffrey and Emil, two schoolboys basking in the warm fall sun, which flitters through their classroom window.

This peace and serenity however was not long to last.

Jeffrey sat at his desk, listening to Emil's dripping nose.

"Drip, drip, drip," came the gross irritating noise. About once every five seconds or so, Jeffery reckoned.

After a while, it all became too much for poor Jeff.

From his desk behind, Jeffrey reached forward, got poor Emil Snifferbacher in a tight headlock, and jammed several tablespoons worth of peanut butter up both nostrils, even though the recipe only called for teaspoons.

"I was only trying to stop his post nasal drip!" Howled Jeffrey "That drip, drip, drip during math class was driving me nuts!"

However, the dripping, sniffing, sneezing, pneumonia, and even the emphysema all stopped at once. Even his Tourette's was reduced!

The two boys have become fast friends and are planning to tour other high schools come hay fever season, to bring relief to other students.

They are already stockpiling in their garages cases of peanut butter, plumbers' putty, plaster of Paris, and - just for the Midwest - hundreds of sacks of instant cement.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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