Written by Jeremy Tax-Haven
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Tuesday, 15 June 2004

image for Paranoia Club Closes Likeliest location for paranoia club

A social club, exclusive to paranoics, has had to close down this week after the government withdrew funding. The club made national headlines last month when it revealed that no-one had been invited to officiate, nor attend, the grand opening ceremony.

Officials even refused to disclose the name, and location, of the club. An act which led to the government stepping in and withdrawing all financial aid.

"If we were to keep funding this project then any Tom, Dick or Harry could apply for a government grant," somebody said, "and we can't have that." they added.

However, National Paranoiacs spokesidiot, Tom Dick-Harry muttered; " I take umbrage at that statement, Tom Dick-Harry DID apply for a grant AND one was given,so there!" he laughed, eyeing me with suspicion. " It's a club for paranoiacs, attended by paranoiacs and run by paranoiacs. If we were to suddenly start handing out info willy nilly,how would our members feel?", he added, before quietly slipping out un-noticed.

Some other guy, who asked not to be named for foolish reasons, butt in with this nonsense, " Despite what they say, the government, and other Allied factions, are trying to drive us out and make us vulnerable. We cannot, and will not, allow this to happen. The voices warned us about this" he grumbled, before cocking his head to listen for something, then laughing maniacally.

"It's complete rubbish, they're imagining things" said one government source. No-one else would comment further.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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