This article was written by Chessie May Doowhistle and will be appearing in the next issue of Housewife Haven & Sanctuary Semi-Monthly Magazine.
GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has only given four interviews since she was picked by John McCain to be his running mate. The first three interviews were with Charles Gibson, Sean Hannity, and Katie Couric. I am proud to say that I was granted the fourth interview. And of course I talked about her penchant for 'moose blasting' and 'snowmobile racing' but I wanted to talk to her about things that were more 'lady-like' in nature. So I asked her to give me some 'do's and don't' on being a good Alaskan housewife and she gladly complied.
1. Do learn at least five ways to prepare and cook snow as a meal (in the event of an emergency).
2. Do learn how to tune up a dog sled remembering to make sure that the boy dogs go on the left side and the girl dogs go on the right side.
3. Do Make salmon a part of your daily nutrition (e.g. salmon tea, salmon jello, salmon parfait, salmon enchiladas, and peanut butter and salmon sandwiches).
4. Don't ever make any Eskimo jokes (even if there are no Eskimos present).
5. Don't ever utter the phrase "Brrrrrr it sure is cold." Remember, afterall you do live in ALASKA!!!"
6. Do learn how to perfect the caribou mating call. This one will surely impress you husband, his boss, and all of your neighbors.
7. Do accept the fact that the ugly-as-sin snowman that the kids built in your front yard is actually going to remain in your front yard for 11 months out of the whole year.
8. Do not say things that could be construed as being on the arrogant and conceited side, such as "I can probably beat 97 percent of all 'lower 48' husbands in a snowplow race," or "My husband and I can throw a snowball and hit Russia from our front porch," or "I can make the best moose brownies in the entire Northern Hemisphere."
9. Don't ever forget that the ENTIRE population of the WHOLE state of Alaska is equal to the population of Austin, Texas.
10. Dont get offended when visitors say things like "Alaska's state flower is the icicle," or "Alaska's motto is 'Yes we know the Eskimos were here first, but now it belongs to us White folk,'" and "Hey I heard that the Alaskan state bird is the frozen seagull."
In a related story, the book "417 Ways To Prepare Baked Alaska" by the Bush twins with drawings by Pamela Anderson will hit the bookstores on December 26.