Extremely reliable Democratic sources have reported that President Bill Clinton called Governor Sarah Palin and offered to personally donate $2,000 to her campaign if she would agree to shoot a Tic Tac out of Fox News celebrity Sean Hannity's mouth at 100 yards. "Salmon Sarah" quickly jumped at the offer and she added that she would even agree to make the shot using a makeup mirror while bouncing up and down on a pogo stick.
Sources said that Bill was thrilled beyond belief and he even agreed to up the amount to $2,700 plus he added that Hilary would throw in a $100 gift certificate from Shotgun Shell City.
Sean Hannity is reportedly in hiding and reports are that he is trying extremely hard to grow facial hair. An unnamed source reported that he saw Hannity and a woman who looked a lot like Ann Coulter drinking Diet 7-Ups and eating raisin-flavored pretzels in a storage unit facility in Walla Walla, Washington.
In a related story, the Palin family is already making their Thanksgiving dinner plans. This year instead of the usual everyday, ordinary turkey, Sarah has decided that she is going to single-handedly catch a humpback whale, fillet it, and stuff it with snow squirrels and frozen harlequin ducks. She added that the gravy will be made up entirely of moose ear lobes and polar bear elbows. And for dessert, Kodiak-flavored pumpkin pie topped with freshly-fallen snow.
This article appeared in the September issue of Saxophone Monthly Digest Magazine.