Written by Jimarillo
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Monday, 8 September 2008

Now, as half the world begins to watch the 13th Paralympic Games in Beijing, the other half remains on the sofa still digesting its glorious meal that was the 2008 Beijing Olympic games.

What a meal it was too we were treated to a great starter, a fantastic main and a sumptuous desert, all served up in the fantastic birds nest stadium. We can now only wait with baited breathe before our next Olympic feast to be served in four years time at Londons newly named Meat Pie stadium.

So how did China manage to capture the attention of the world? It put aside its usual tactic of buying the key to the west's food and fuel supplies and just went with the slightly short-term tactic of shock and awe. Which is here we begin to scrutinise what we saw. It has been alleged that during the "amazing" (- Everyone) opening ceremony the firework display was enhanced for television viewers with overlays and repeats of the same fireworks to give the impression of a overindulgent yet satisfying display. The poor people crammed into the stadium probably only saw the Olympic equivalent of November the 5th round your uncle Steve's house. This speculation also begs the question, how many dancers were there? Where we, the television viewer, also mocked by there only being a hundred folks in the stadium but trickery providing the view of thousands ?

What of the games themselves? We all saw the US's aquatic/human experiment Michael Phelps make Olympic history, but ask yourself, is there really need for the Olympic 175metre race for people called Michael ? Clearly the need is the same for boxing judges that are not able to count or score properly. Back to mysterious events....Count ho many Sailing events you know... that's right one, Sailing.

Conspiracies also went as far as China having developed a global weather machine with the plan to render the summer weather useless in order for us all to stay in and marvel at the final of the Men's pass the stick over a lap of the red bit around the green bit.

What of the future? Can London match the effort? Do we have to develop a nature-altering machine to grab the worlds attention? Do we need Guy Ritchie to direct our opening ceremony in which Jason Statham and Michael Caine turn up in Fords and Rovers with shotguns? We can only wait and see what the Meat Pie Stadium can offer, if anything we will be able to marvel in the honesty that the London game swill bring, it will be dull it will be miserable, it may even be a let down but at last its British eh... anyone wanna cuppa?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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