We have been witness to the incredible story of the first female Republican Party VP choice, Sarah Palin, (current Alaskan Governor), for less than 2 weeks now and both America and the World are still awestruck! She's 44 and she's hot! Not too young, not quite older, but just right, with that magnetic attraction men must hide in the presence of the wife or girlfriend or no sex tonight guys! Learn to be a sly looker!
What next? What more can happen? We have Barack Obama as the first black Presidential candidate (a so-called 'elitist') ever running for the Dems (none ever for the GOP) and the oldest ('greystock') fart, John McCain, for the Republicans butting heads with Obama. Senator McCain just turned 72. If elected, can he make it through one four-year term without much constipation??? Political pundits are asking, as this bowel condition could interfere with crisis calls at 3 AM and he's squeezing out a Number 2 in his bathroom. A delay of 2 minute could mean a nuclear war just for having to take an extended crap!
So what's next? Well, Your National Inquirer is offering $100,000 for the best nipple shot (both nipples in one picture) of the GOP's VP nominee, Sarah Palin.
Yes! This 44-year old librarian-look alike pure hottie is causing below the belt rumblings amongst most American male adults. Why do you think husband, Todd, got his fisherman's hooks into her? Who said fishermen aren't smart?!
So, we all thank Senator McCain for his showing us he's still alive and can, also, still spot 'poon' thousands of miles away. Imagine...the first female VP candidate for the Republicans (and only the second in such a role) and she causes erotic daydreams for millions of American men! A political soap opera with a lot of heat in the kitchen in Juneau, Alaska...
But, American men want to see more of Sarah, whose breast size right now is estimated as 36C or 38C. In time, we'll know for sure, but to make the Presidential/VP contest even more exciting, Your National Inquirer knows men and knows that everytime they see Sarah Palin, they want to see nipple.
It's a proven fact that when men look at a woman wearing a bra that they try to see nipple. Brassieres even go through life cycles where the nipple is sometimes purposely defined. Every several years, back come the prominent double points of womanhood. Says Christie Brinkley, the gorgeous model, still, at 52, "I have great nipps, but it's only so often that projecting them at men takes place. I once heard a guy lot his eyesight in an LA suburb roaming a mall for a week looking for pointy headlights. He strained his eyes so much and put tremendous pressure on his two retinas that he went blind! And, he cursed that he could no longer see the nipps. He was in bad shape He eventually went nuts."
This reporter. unfortunately, does not know why the whole thing is so intriguing to men! But, he does know that the study of 'nipplology' is a favorite discussion topic at the bar, at the golf course, and at the office, for sure. American men have all discussed it at one time or another... of course, nowhere within earshot of a woman who might kick the guy or guys in the crotch! OUCH!
So here's the deal, the rules, and the prize money. And, don't nit pick our offer!
The rules are simple. (We realize you guys have your second brains engaged right now, so snap out of it below the belt, and allow yourselves to think for 15 minutes, please,...and, with your main brain!).
Re: Sarah Palin >>>> Eligible: any photo taken in the past 12 months. That's September 1, 2007 through September 1, 2008:
--We want a 'two-nipple shot' (both nipples in one photo!)
--The pic was taken when Sarah was wearing any silk,
silklike, or sheer blouse, or bathing suit or,
well, you guys get the idea! No bare skin shots. We still
like the mystery!
--Your National Inquirer submissions becomes our property.
Nothing will be returned. We may do a Farrah Fawcett-type
nipple poster, as that of 1976, that was tacked to a wall of every
red-blooded American teen for, at least, several years.
--Enter as many times as you wish!
--Submit an 8 X 10 color or 8 X 10 B & W photo with complete
details regarding where/when taken, how taken, and how
processed and printed with paper type specified. Disignate
exact camera used and anything else not mentioned in our
list of requirements
--Contest close date: postmarked no later than October 17,
2008! No exceptions!
--Stock photos are not allowed. We have A-1 Google Master
Internet Searchers! The best in the Search game. Stock
photos will void your entry.
--Photographs cannot be returned. That way, we'll have
great coffee breaks looking at every top view of our
possible next VP! We'll get hot even if she loses! Cool!
INCREDIBLE JUDGING TECHNICAL DETAILS (APART FROM SHEER INTEREST VALUE):
All photos will be scrutinized using a CompQuik ArrayZone Photo Grabber-R27 snd five of the the World's greatest ex-and current NASA photo experts; two of whom worked on the Cuban Missile Crisis against the Soviets in 1962! So, please, no trick photography to lead us astray. We'll catch you and void you automatically, according to Dr. W. Stefan Schlick, Chief Geologic Scientist on the entire Apollo program, with tuchas to the Moon.
Prizes For Shots (One Prize Per Winner Only):
Remember to only submit an 8 X 10 color or B & W photo with complete details re how taken and printing paper used while following all the above and complete rules. If anything is missing, sorry, but we do not deal with slouches.
We will, however send you a "Purge Card" indicating we received your entry. This card starts with Dear Applicant (we're sure you've received a boatload of these suckers), so you are one of many. We hope you are selected to get a letter and not this card, which treats you as jackass dung. If not chosen for further followup, then best wishes in your photographic or other chosen career. FYI: "I'm guaranteed my job, as I coordinate sending out these 'get lost' rejection cards. Smile, that was a joke. At least, I can smile. Ha! Some people think I'm a jerk, however,...boooooooo!"
WE REPEAT: Entries must be postmarked no later than Friday, Oct 17, 2008.
Additional prizes will be awarded to the 'Best' above. See our next issue for additional prizes from our advertisers. You may win a pimple remover, salve, an underarm razor, or an all-woods insect repellent.
c 2008 Your National Inquirer