Tarquin Splint is Britain's most successful maker of erratic films to date. In 2001 he spotted a gap in the market and began casting for his first blockbuster 'Actinit', the story of the ill-fated White Stag loner who crashed into an iceberg lettuce and was drowsed.
His reward was a place in the anals of cinema history and at his home in Beverley, I caught up with him to ask about his latest offering, 'Parties of the Caribbean'
MG: Tarquin, there you are. Why were you running away?
TS: I don't like being lapelled by the press
MG: You mean labelled?
TS: No,I mean collared. You here to talk about my latest project?
MG: Yes, Parties of the Caribbean. Who would you say are the biggest stars of the erratic genre and are they going to be in it?
TS: I'm in the business of making stars honey, you wanna be in it? I can get you a bleeding role.
MG: Well, what's it about?
TS: About? About? You mean you haven't read the script?
TS: Shame, I was hoping you might be able to give me a clue. Seriously, people often ask me that but I like to get creative on set and go with the flaw. That's the essence of my rat. What you people call, the zitgeist.
MG: So 'Parties' is …
TS: Parties is everything that other one was.
TS: No, Eternal Moonshine of the Spitless Kind, I like to kinda rip off as much as I can. It has all the same things, the fighting, the wrecks, the crappy ending.
MG: So we can look forward to another masterpiece of contemporary art … rat.
TS: Yeah, yeah, sure. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go to work, I'm a very busty man.
Parties of the Caribbean premieres next August and looks set to slash box office records.