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Monday, 25 August 2008

image for Grecian Travel Guide, Demetrios Likiscocksuckis British classics scholar on sabbatical in Greece

For those brave world explorers who venture into the Mediterranean during the British vacation period, this one is for you! Ten tips on visiting Greece when the inebriated hooligans of the UK are here:

1) Wear galoshes when the puke is running above the curb stones

2) Go out sightseeing in the morning when the British "tourists" are taking their siesta

3) Avoid all establishments that serve alcohol. They are so jammed no one goes there anymore

4) Try not to appear in public from 6pm to 5 am. It is interpreted as an act of provocation by British youth

5) British youth range in ages from 16 to 56

6) Anything even slightly intellectual is a safe zone for never encountering Britons

7) Stay away from all hospitals, emergency rooms, urgent care clinics, doctors' offices or massage parlors unless you want to wait on long lines with morning after pill, STD test and hangover remedy seekers who look like they just survived the Battle of hastings

8) British youth are a relaxed, clothing optional, fun loving lot who often forget what hotel they were staying at

9) If you try to assist one of them in any of the above states you are likely to be exposed to tears, whining, high levels of confusion and profuse amounts of vomit

10) The good news is the birds suck like hoovers. At least, I think she was a bird!?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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