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Tags: Rednecks

Saturday, 16 August 2008

image for The ABC's of Telling Whether You Are White Trash or a Red Neck Your personal hero

No, I am not talking about the garbage decomposing in your backyard; I am talking about you and your trashy white or black ass. Here are the ABC's you need to ask yourself when pondering whether you are that red neck on the block:

Asses are something to let hang out of everything

Bras are for stiff elitists; let's just go all-natural!

Cussing out every person in sight in public is sure way to win you the 'best friendly neighbor' award

Dubya is your hero!

Eating everything in sight 24/7

Family reunions start meaning more to you than ever-because it's your only dating hopes.

G is for want to be Gang banning whiter than sour cream hicks

Hell Hole: Your home's nickname

Idiot-yourself

Jerry Springer: Your idol and personal consular

K is for membership with the KKK, you don't know what it stands for or the purpose, you just think it sounds cool

Literacy is something you struggle with, and you are having trouble reading this

Mooning in public when you are supposed to be mowing the lawn-and your wife wonders why there are so many weeds!

Nudity is something you are perfectly comfortable with-to the point of taking your naked fat ass to your future employer and asking for a job

O is for the opiates that have become a necessity for your life

Pole dancing/Prostitution becomes more than just a temporary job idea, but a lifelong career option

Quietness is for fagots-Yell and scream till you wake up the dead to get what your heart desires

Racist statements are the best way for you to make friends

Swear words fly out of your mouth faster than you can say "Dammit!"

Toilets become more than a bathroom fixture-how about front lawn art!

Underwear becomes outerwear

V is for your personal Vendetta with everyone that gives you the 'fuck off and die look' for no reason

Washing your body is only a birthday event

X-rated life

You go to church on Sundays and do your married neighbor on Monday

Z is for not Zipping your Zipper on your pants-it needs to breathe too!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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