Your fellow spoof advice columnist Paraphernalia4YourGenitalia suggested that if his/her advice was not helpful I should turn to you.
I hope you can help me with my dilemma? Stiff since September
Dear Triple H, Triple S,
As a Roman Catholic priest I have little sympathy with your little league attempts at abstinence try stiff since seventh grade...As for your soul mates involvement with the mysticism of the kabala. Be careful my Latin Catholic friend! Strange spiritual forces can lurk in deep spiritual experiences that can turn a slut into a mystic or in my case , vice versa.
If I were you I would let her blab on and on about her visions while looking lustfully into her eyes, it's always worked for me with nuns and altar servers. Should this Dominican Yankee with a mansion in Connecticut end up in King Arthur's or any other court, take a tip from the Roman Catholic Church- hide your assets, cover your ass and pray like the devil for God's help! Bless you my filthy rich son, my bill is in the mail!