INTELLIGENCE SERVICES STAFF (ISS)--COMMUNIQUE
CIRCULATION--TRIPLE A (TA) ONLY!
DENY CIA COVER AT ALL TIMES!
REPORTED BY: AGENT 308
To: Top-Level Operatives (TA):
Well, it's finally caught up wth the 66-year old Reverend Jesse Jackson. This time he went too far. Realizing that his days as the spokesperson for American blacks are over and that now his throne has been taken over by Barack Obama, caused Jesse to make a big error recently. His whispered comment--accompanied by his hand-miming a cutting motion--were picked up by a live mike before an interview on health care in Fox News Channel's Chicago studio Sunday. Spoken perhaps intentionally, Jackson said, "I wanna cut his nuts out" referring to the guy who reamed his ass from the spotlight: Barack Obama. It was the end of Jessie...well almost.
A splinter group in the Obama camp has launced a cutting edge counter assault with the aim of shutting up Jesse forever by obtaining the Reverend's actual testicles and keeping them in formaldehyde in a safe deposit box somewhere in the Chicago area. And who better to do this, but a crack team of Obama diehards from the Windy City's ghettos and an unlikely ally: a team of mohels [mohel, Yiddish, is pronounced moil], mostly located in The Big Apple. As most of you agents don't realize, a mohel is a special Rabbi. We're talking slice and dice Jews here whose job it is to circumcise a Jewish baby boy on the eighth day after birth by Jewish law.
So why would some of the most holy men be recruited for such a whack job? Most notably, Jackson referred to Jews as "Hymies" and to New York City as "Hymietown" in January, 1984 during a conversation with Washington Post reporter Milton Coleman. Jackson at first denied the remarks, then accused Jews of conspiring to defeat him. When he finally did acknowledge that it was wrong to use the terms, he had said, he did so in private to a reporter. Curiously, everyone with a bad mouth always has a good reason for it in retrospect...self-preservation, again, man's most 'basic instinct,' and we're not talking Sharon Stone here!
So the Obama boys and the Jew boys have formed an alliance. Well, that's a new one on us! Blacks and Jews without opposing views?
The Barack Ball Buster team (code named 3B) has secreted a slice of a little-known slush fund for Obama's campaign. Upon delivery of the proven testicles of Mr. Big Mouth, Jesse, the Barack Ball Busters will wire transfer $9 million to The Bank of Israel in Tel-Aviv under a bogus account and will pay $250,000 to each of the four Rabbis in the Jew squad. The whole operation is known as "JJ" for Jesse's Jewels.
Jackson's DNA typing was secretely completed earlier this year in a covert operation by 3B, with the expectation that the has-been Reverend would pull a slam-Obama stunt, as his recent gaff on the air to discredit Obama. When the testicles [code named GF for Gefilte Fish--balls of ground up carp and then stewed--a favorite of Jews, served with horseradish] are delivered, a sample of fluid from each nut will be expedited through DNA testing to confirm that the hit was actually successfully carried out.
Immediatey after, the secret funds will be dispersed. It is believed that Obama knows about the plot, but his lips are sealed and he will never acknowledge it. But, he has apparently told his wife, Michelle, that "I plan to finally silence this Jackson asswipe, but you have no need to know how."
The plot is timed for the period of late August, during the time of the Democratic National Convention in Denver to squelch it from the media, as much as possible, by all the Convention hoopla.
Jackson has used his sperm to father six children and has donated his semen to many women on the side. His days of manhood are now ticking away!
The only other thing this operative has learned is that Rabbi Shmulka Abraham Rabinowitz, President of The Mohel College of New York City (MCNYC), will be the chief castrator, while the other 3 Rabbis will stand by as consulting mohels. Jackson will be restrained, drugged, made unconscious (anesthetized), cut open, castrated, and then, professionally sewn back up. And, the attending surgeon is a 'Dr. Moses' from Cleveland, but the testicle removal is strictly Rabbinical turf.
Jesse will soon find out that he's somehow lost the 'family jewels' and will probably panic and go 'nuts.' Said Rabbi Rabinowitz, "You know, I've got about 3,700 foreskin removals under my belt, but no 'beytsim' [bates-seem, meaning testicles]. This is really history for all time! I will be famous in the mohel circles forever!"
With a drink of shnapps [a 60ish proof liquer for toasting] in anticipation of making history, the 4R, Shmulka, Irving, Zelig, and Yussel gulped and savored the gift of fermented fruit. Said Shmulka, "We have never cut this deeply mind you my fellow Rabbis. And, now, Mr. Jackson will no longer be blackballed!" And, guess what? The black guys are recruiting Monica to get the balls rolling! Said Rabbi Yussel Bronfman of Queens, New York City, "I sure would like a crack at her myself!" The Rabbis were certainly feeling the booze by now. Said Rabbi Irving Zimmerman from Brooklyn, "You know, it's a mitvah [commandment] to give her a shtup [an insertion where 'das moon don't shine']." The group laughed and dispersed, anticipating the call in August for the nut cutting.