Written by Chuck Barber
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Thursday, 3 June 2004

Charleston Mobile Home Management
34 Ron Rico Blvd Charleston, SC 29404

May 16, 1998

Mr. Logan Wheedle
1245 Big Meat Drive
Charleston, SC 29401

Dear Logan:

Just a quick note about your call the other day.

First, no, I do not believe we can simply turn everyone out of their mobile homes solely because you believe they are “dirty and revolting.” Now, on the other hand, if you can prove that they are damaging the property with their filth, I believe you have an excellent chance of winning in court.

Second, this will take awhile. You cannot expect to issue an order of this sort and then have your tenants just leave. They will fight you over this. There are legal aid societies which will take their side in this and provide excellent representation. Understand this, many of these leftist lawyers HATE landlords. Expect to be hauled into court, put on the stand and grilled like a Kennedy in Mississippi.

Third, I do not know any “men built like professional wrestlers” whom you might hire to “solve [your] problems.” Frankly, I am skeptical that such an approach will provide the desired results. From what I have seen of professional wrestlers on television, I cannot imagine them proving reliable witnesses when the pressure is on. Further, you do not need to add terroristic threats to the charges already filed against you. Even though my specialty is real estate law, I am enough of an attorney to know this would do you no good at all.

Personally, I’d wait until the fall and hope for a strong hurricane season.

Sincerely,

W. Ed Brinkman, Esq.


Charleston Mobile Home Management
34 Ron Rico Blvd Charleston, SC 29404


January 19, 2000

Mr. Logan Wheedle
1245 Big Meat Drive
Charleston, SC 29401

Dear Logan:

I regret that you feel you must obtain different counsel. While I am not a regular on Court TV as is Mr. Townsend, I feel that I can offer you, or could have offered you, more than adequate representation. I do not believe you are being fair to me in this, and I was not especially pleased to open the newspaper the other day and discover an article wherein you describe your former counsel as a “completely incompetent ignoramus.” Certainly more persons than just I are aware that I was your legal representative, and I cannot yet judge the damage this intemperate comment has caused me.

Further, I feel I have provided you with advice which was direct, reasonable and professional. I have copies of all the letters I sent you, all the email I sent you and lastly copies of all the “return receipt” mail receipts you signed when you received those letters. Your claim that I used tourist post cards as legal stationary will not hold up in court, and I feel sure that any legitimate graphologist will quickly determine the handwriting on those post cards advising you to burn the mobile home lot is, in fact, yours.

Finally, I have the original of what you call the “professional wrestler” letter. It differs greatly from what you claim I wrote you. Your pathetic attempt to use “white-out” to make it appear that I suggested you hire “men built like professional wrestlers” to terrorize your tenants simply will not hold up in court. Logan, please believe me, no one is going to believe any sane attorney would send a letter stating what you claim, written in the way you claim it arrived.

Third, I do________know___________ “men built like professional wrestlers” whom you might hire to “solve__________problems.” Frankly, ____________ such an approach will provide the desired results. From what I have seen of professional wrestlers on television, I can _______________ imagine them proving reliable witnesses when the pressure is on.

That this whited-out version is glued onto the back of a post card featuring a green-wig-wearing gentleman at the St. Patrick’s day parade on the reverse does little to prove your case.

Logan, we have had a long and profitable business relationship. Though I realize certain aspects of that relationship will now have to change as a result of your status as a felon, I feel we can still work this out to our mutual satisfaction. However, if you continue to make such inflammatory and slanderous statements as that quoted above, I unfortunately will be forced to seek counsel of my own.

Sincerely,

W. Ed Brinkman, Esq.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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