Tehran, Iran, June, 2008: This reporter caught up with the Iranian president at the Tehran airport, as he was about to leave for a meeting with Fidel Castro in Cuba. Through his interpreter, he said there was only time for 10 questions about Iranian society. The reader should be aware that President Ahmadinejad always claims he is being misquoted in the American media.
Q: Where does Iran fit in the modern world?
A: "The Iranian nation is the lost tribe of Israel."
Q: Have your relations with the Arab states, particularly Saudi Arabia, improved?
A: "The Iranian nation is moving to Greenland to get away from all those Arabs residing in the Middle East."
Q: Why don't you eat pork, the other white meat?
A: "The reason for my not eating pork is professional courtesy."
Q: What is the significance of the 12th Imam?
A: "The hidden Imam is like Madonna wearing a Burka and hiding in the Tehran airport ladies room, reading Kabala."
Q: Are there Homosexuals in Iran?
A: "There are no Homosexuals in Iran, when I am traveling abroad."
Q: Would you compare Jesus to Muhammad?
A: "Muhammad was an Iranian."
Q: Do you think you will be reelected in 2009 based on your improving Iran's economy?
A: "I was elected to serve the Iranian people, by improving the country's economy by developing nuclear weapons, missiles, and IEDs for Iraq. The Iranian people don't need any more food, clothing and shelter as they are happy with the meager amount now available."
Q: Who are your best international friends?
A: "My two best buddies are Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez. I give Fidel oil, he gives me sugar. I give Hugo oil, he gives me oil."
Q: Who do you think is responsible for the 11 September 2001 attacks in the USA?
A: "The attacks of 9/11 were an inside job perpetrated by radical Buddhists, Druids, Bahia's, Jews and Christians, not Muslims. The attacks were led by George W Bush and Dick Cheney."
Q: Who do you think will be the next president of the USA?
A: "I don't want to mix into American politics, but Barack Obama wants to talk to me."
Thank you President Ahmadinejad.