Written by Australopithecus
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Tuesday, 8 July 2008

My name iz Doktor Helmut Vildebeest and over ze next few weeks, vith help from mein faithful assistant Inglestraad Blunderbusse, I vill be teaching you all about ze very important topic of ze adult relationships.

From our field hospital and laboratory vich ve haf built deep vithin ze Swiss Alps, Inglestraad and I haf spent ze last twelve years dedicated to studying ze relationships vich are involving ze male and ze female. Ve haf also researched both ze female-female and male-male relationships but zey vill not be discussed here. Instead, if you vish for information on zees types of relationships, you may order a copy of our book: Ze Vildebeest-Blunderbusse Guide to having Sexual Relations Vith Persons Vich Share Ze Same Anatomy Az Yourself. Zis is available from all ze good bookshops.

So, vot iz ze secret to ze long lasting, satisfying relationship vich most people are seeking? It iz important to start right at ze beginning, ven you are choosing your potential sexual mate. If you speak ze same language, zis is good. Also, if you share ze same interests, such as a mutual appreciation of ze interpretive dance, zis vill give you a topic to discuss ven you cannot have sex, such as ven ze voman is 'in season' or ze man has un active outbreak of ze genital vorts.
Secondly, ve haf discovered zat ze chances of success are greatly enhanced ven you choose ze potential mate vich closely resemble one of your parents. For instance, mein faithful wife Sybilla und I haf enjoyed over thirty years of wedded bliss, und she shares ze same square jaw und patchy facial hair as mein father.

Zat vill be all for zis veek but please to tune in next veek ven I vill be spilling ze secrets of ze Vildebeest-Blunderbusse Spittle Attraction Test.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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