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Monday, 23 June 2008

image for Today's Police Federation Conference Agenda Wish I was fatter and lazier, like them Limey cops

Here is the agenda for today's annual Police Federation Conference lectures:

9:00 Handling discrimination against left-handed nosepickers; special guest speaker, Cherie Blair QC

10:00 Lecture on Freemasonry and Its Positive Use Against Criminals, with Thomas Hamilton

11:00 The Sit Around In Cars All Day and Lose Ability To Walk diet, talk held at nearby McDonalds

12:00 How To Not Answer Phones, by any policeman in any small town police station

13:00 How To Not Investigate Real Crimes, by any policeman in any big city police station

14:00 Football Crowd Management, with Mort Hillsboro

15:00 Milking the Taxpayers to Get Faster Cars, speech by Ford Expensive

16:00 Nice Long Tea Break At Overtime Rates, with Sergeant T Break

18:00 Filling In Forms For The Rest Of The Week, by thirty per cent of the Force, that would otherwise be unemployed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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