I have hid in bushs, I have traced him for miles, I have followed him around the globe attending every play and every premier and I have mailed him my panties everyday since my eleventh birthday. Yet this is how he repay me, he has finally taken out a restraining order against me!
That is right, for reasons unknown to me Radcliffe is tired of my constant following him around and has taken drastic measures to ensure I stay away! Darling Daniel what were you thinking? Don't you want my love and affection? Don't you want me baby.
Now I have to stay at least 2 miles away at all times and am not allowed to so much as buy a Harry Potter DVD. If do not follow the strict rules, I will be thrown into stalker jail.
For obvious reasons I couldn't go and ask Dan's opinion on the matter, so instead I sent my mother, she is after all the next best thing to me. However we are closely related and it seems that I have inherited my striking good looks and irresistible charm from her and I regret to inform you, my mum has bedded Radcliffe! I was well gutted! She knows how much I love him yet she still did it. I am disgusted to my very core.
News just in, my mum has left my dad to elope with Daniel Radcliffe. He is to be my new daddy, suddenly he doesn't look so attractive. I think I may throw up.