5pm - 'Coppers Shouting and Fighting', with John Thaw and Dennis Waterman.
6pm - 'Inspector Morose', starring John Thaw.
7pm - 'British Pogo Stick Championship.'
8pm - ''Ardly Funny', with Gordon Thingy and Wossername-in-a-maid's-uniform.
9pm - 'Top Bore', where grown men learn to drive machines at the age of 17, then talk about it for 30 years.
10pm - 'Dreadful Hollywood War Film', where the US wins World War 2 on its own again.
12am - 'Emmerdale Yawn', television's answer to The Archbores.
1 am - 'Paint Drying', more reality TV repeats.
3am -'Ginger Beer', lots of prancing and dancing for the girls.
4am - 'Get A Life', Dr. Miriam Stoppard gives viewers advice.
5 am - 'Insomnia', repeated Hitchcock film that everyone's seen 82 times.
7 am - 'History Revised', where Professor Anthony Boremouse questions perfectly well-know historical events, without a shred of evidence to back it up.
8 am - 'Still Can't Sleep?', the classic American sitcom, a sort of soap opera with canned laughter, but no jokes.
9 am - 'Zzzzzz', Freeview's programme listings.
10 am - 'Breakfast At Last', drama where people eat cornflakes and drink tea.
11 am - 'Licence Fee Robbery', gritty British drama, where criminals steal billions from the public to waste it on digital TV.
1 pm -'Bush Speaks', timeless farcical film, featuring Clyde the orangutan.
3 pm - Closedown.