Written by Pointer

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Tags: Penis, Writing

Monday, 2 June 2008

image for Dear Paraphernalia4yourgenitalia: Rolling, Motorized Resiliently Pliable Artificial Penis Neednhepsoon2bnTX and his artificial penis

Dear P4YG, Recently I read about "a rolling toaster sized metal box outfitted with a motorized 'resiliently pliable artificial penis' " in the NY Times Book Review section. Apparently a Mr. William Harvey currently holds the patent on said device. I am writing to you with a number of questions:

No. 1 Do you know where my partner and I can acquire the aforementioned accoutrement? You see, P4YG, my penis has lost most of its once motor like hummmm, resiliency(recovery rate is down to six months), pliability(too much so) though its artificiality is without question. We were going to buy the SXNSITEE rabbit until we read about the Harvey invention.

No. 2 Not to be difficult but wouldn't my war in Iraq precede Harvey's patent? By explanation let me state that my war is truly toaster size in that though long it has by way of accomplishments been a small war that has made toast of my place in history and burnt up more lives than can be counted. Let's roll has been our battle cry since we made up the 9-11 Pennsylvania war story. Metal- the shrapnel wounds dwarf other inventions. We are motorized up the ying yang and paying Iraqi inflated fuel prices up the ass.

We are more resilient than the Ever Ready Bunny (there goes that rabbit again) our priability should go without question since we have pried every last cent and drop of blood for this "democratic Republican capitalist venture". And of course the war , read Scotty McClellan's new request for an alimony check, was as artificial as wars come. You may ask but is this war as much a penis as Harvey's.

All I can say is is that in our thrusting efforts to be cock of the walk; VP Cheney guaranteed that a Dick would be involved in every possible opening in Iraq. Do you think I could challenge Harvey's patent?

No. 3 Do you think my partner would choose a) The Harvey 5000 b) my war c) the SXNSITEE rabbit d) Bill Clinton e) Scotty McClellan


Dear Me, NHS2BT ,

Aren't you an inquisitive lad? In light of all of your commentary and questions, all I can say is that you and your partners have fucked over more people with your artificial war penis than anyone, including the patent board, could imagine. As for your partner's preference, that is a hard question to answer. If I were married to a clearly lesbian librarian, I would give her my blessing to go out into the stacks and check out as many volumes as possible.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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