Written by David Hawkins
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Wednesday, 7 May 2008

image for 3 Arrested at Annual Wanker Toss at Wetwang, Yorkshire Oy! Sissy, who came up with this bloody wanker tossing? It's a tradition bobby, now look at that wanker with the megaphone.

Wetwang, Yorkshire - I'm told I come from Twatt, Orkney, Shetland Islands, Scotland so who am I to larf at stupid things in Britain. Of course I had to get out of Twatt as soon as I was about 15 and had the means to do. I joined the circus but that's another entirely different story isn't it? Or for those of you from California, "That's a whole nother story". Cringe.

Wetwang, Yorkshire has this great tossing contest each year - They HOLD The Annual Wanker Toss at Wetwang. All this tossing and wanking and wetting and wanging has me in a whirl. Wheee. Toss Toss Toss Wank Wank Wank.

Okay, so I'll give England the benifit of my doubt. After all it's quite an old country. Let's see, as my pal Johnnymokes down the pub says, "If the United States is Google, then England is IBM." Their country is older than hemp rope. Can I blame them for names that sound funny in 2008? But then COME ON... Wetwang? What's next, towns called Sloshy Vagina or Scratchy Scrotum. My apologies to anyone living in Sloshy Vagina. Or any of the above mentioned villages for that matter. : )

Disclaimer - (I suppose I should have put this at the top but the legal thing is like jazz notes, anywhere will do.) PUT YOUR LITTLE KIDS IN ANOTHER ROOM IF THEY ARE FORTUNATE ENOUGH NOT TO HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO SHITE LIKE THIS.

Right. So. There was this contest in a funny town and the silly looking Bobbys and Sissys came and rounded up some unsavory characters like myself. That's why I'm bent out of shape about it. 2 hours in the clink. I could have spent down the pub. But I really shouldn't get my wanker in a toss about it. I deserved it for screaming through a megaphone, "BLOODY WANKER TOSSERS".

I know I'm lazy because now they got me saying "Down the pub". I don't like to talk a LOT so anytime I can get out of saying the word "at" in a sentence, I'm okay that.
Know what sayin? Great, I'll leave out a small word here there and you'll still know what talking about.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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