Written by Steddyeddy
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Wednesday, 23 April 2008

image for Where are Trading Standards when you need them? Misplaced sofa-selling man

On the bus this morning, I was intrigued by some of the headlines and notices I spied.

Firstly, that great bastion (I think that's the word) of journalism in the free world, the Metro, informed us that "Charlton Heston had died with his wife at his bedside".

This upset me.

Firstly, the death publicity was for Charlton Heston only, with no mention that his wife had expired at the same time. And secondly, the fact they both died at his bedside seems to me a little unsavoury.

I appreciate that the USA hasn't a free healthcare system like we have, with all our non-medical consultants being paid more in two days than nurses earn in a month. But to allow an Oscar-winning actor and his wife to expire at the side of the bed they should have been occupying, is, frankly, quite callous.

Then to the pub at the bus stop I alighted from. "Food served all day with cash back".

Now whether I was a seasoned drinker, professional drunk or simply someone who was prepared to nurse half a bitter for three hours to stay out of the cold, I would frankly be enraged if I tendered a 20 pound note for a four pound meal and didn't get any cash back!

Does this herald a new style of pub emerging where you pay for a meal and don't receive any change whatsoever? An era of "exact change only" pubs? What happens, if, for instance, you only have a fifty pound note?

And I passed a laundromat offering a new and improved service - er - you what? It can only be either new or improved, not both. And those computer games shops where 2nd hand tat and unwanted gifts are described as "pre-owned" - they're bloody second hand mate. Oh, and you can "pre-order" the new, highly overpriced game for your machine - pre bloody order!!!! What the bugger do they mean by that? You either order something or you don't!!!

Then finally there's Dreadful Flipping Sofas (dfs) who have a special offer whereby if you buy one half of a sofa, you get the other half free. Well, I have a small office (former utility room) at home, and I only want half a sofa!

If they can't comply, I will have to get in touch with trading standards. Or at least half of trading standards.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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