Written by kungfuiceskater

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Thursday, 20 May 2004

image for American Idol: An Open Love Letter To Fantasia Hola Fantasia!!!

Dearest Fantasia:

Damn baby. I met you at Sam’s BBQ and Grill in Rancho Cucamonga lat year. I couldn’t get a word in side ways because you preferred the corn bread to my one-liners. That’s all right though, I kinda like to hit the corn bread myself every now and then. So what’s up with the high pitched voice? Yeah, you’ve got that Macy Gray thing going on. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! My walls are all sound proofed! Hit those notes baby!

So, can you do the booty roll? It’s the only way that I dance. I’m romantic, honey, but even if we have to break out the black tie at the White House, when you’re Miss American Idol, I ain’t gettin’ down like Mr. President. You better drop it like it’s hot!

I don’t know baby, I’m a little nervous about all this stardom of yours. You might want us to replace Popeyes Dirty South Special Fried Chicken / Special Sauce with chicken cordon bleu. What’s up with that? Now you know I don’t play around with my special sauce; that’s a bitch slap right there (Wink, wink, just kidding). Also, don’t think that you’ll get special treatment when you win American Idol. You still have to apply to be my girl like every one else. You feel me?

When can I get on your calendar honey? Oh, let’s just wait for like 30 days so you can get on the Atkins diet.

Holla baby doll. Plenty of smooches etc.

KungFu IceSkater

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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