Burdened by the daily game of 'Jab Hillary-Jab Obama,' Obama now feels obligated to read celeb mail and take celeb phone calls while on his rigorous political stump.
Why? Well, he's suddenly developed a circle of very famous celebrities, who feel just as Sonny Bono must have when he ran for and was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives. And, of course, there's Schwarzenegger and the biggie, Ronnie Regan, who actually made it to the top.
Recall that any favoritism by any famous personality translates into votes. But, Obama just moans and groans..."Politics as usual." But he walks a fine line: don't antagonize the famous, who control voting clout!
'Scooping Trash' magazine has had access to many of the 'Dear Senator Obama' letters from celebs, each and every one of which Obama must answer decently, for fear that Hillary will be endorsed by these political wannabees, should he mistep in his responses.
Here's a sampling of 'on-the-road' letters:
- Snoopy Doggie--"As a brotha,' we can stop the drive-by shoot 'em ups all over, man. I'm cool. How 'bout a shot at dat FBI stuff? I mean leader of those dudes, as in Attorney General? Wait! Do I need a law degree for that? If it be, 6 months and I'm yo' man! Gimmee a call!"
Eltone Johns---"Hey, Obama...just did another Princess Di memorial concert. Thinkin' about a big gig at your Inaugural Ball (is that a sex party?)when you get elected. And, I've been thinking politics a long time and feel Secretary of Commerce fits me. Sold lots of recordings and a concert maven...and that, my main man, is commerce!"
Aretas Frakklin---"'Bama...ain't you got respect fo' a lady Cabinet person? I like to be Education Secretary. You've seen me in concert and how I TEACH RESPECT. Right? Use your cell and tell me who that competition for my job just may be."
Tina Turning---"Wow! I'm writing to the next Commander in Chief. You've seen my stage energy. There's a lot more. I think Secretary of Energy would be an electrical fit. I know about natural gas, gasoline, diesel, coal, nuclar, electrical, solar, and many others, chile.' Just want ta be considered, tall guy! Nice haircut, too!"
Walter Conkrite---"As an old man, I know what old farts are about. I think my swan song should be about being Secretary of Labor. I even work now. And, my health is good, except for my prostate, dammit! Hey, you can't go wrong with Walter. I'm very well thought of by your fellow Americans, even people of color!"
Steve E. Wondered---"You know big O that I'm without sight, but I'm fully functional. I drive a car and don't worry about the blind spots in the side mirrors. I want that job as Secretary of Transportation. I'll just call soon to say I love you, guy. Remember, Secretary of Transportation! And, e-mail can be received in Braille, my man!"
Ving Rhames---"Yeah, I'm the big bodyguard in the flicks. The muscular tough protector. Well, you want this country free from terrorism? And, to stop the drive-by whacking? Then, make me Secretary of Homeland Security. I kick butt!"
Quince E. Jonas---"I'm that famous music guy. Remember, I produced and conducted Jackson-Richie's (white and black guys), 'We Are The World.' I do it all, but you never know I did it. Dammit, you 'credits' jerks. I'm rich, so...yeah, man...Secretary of the Treasury!"
Britney Spears---"Hey Barcacki...I'm strung out on coke, meth, pot, crashing cars, you name it. I need a government deal to forever keep my little brats! How 'bout Secretary of the Interior 'cause I'm always lookin' inside me for reasons. And, no, I didn't have any boob job, so don't put that question on the application!"
Angelina Jolie---"Aren't I drop-dead gorgeous?!!! And, I can act, too!!! Daddy Jon is freaky. Almost like that weird actor, Christopher Walking. Yeah. Anyway, before you put any ads anywhere, I just wanna be Secretary of Health & Human Services. Who better? And, I always look for World causes, you know, the big volunteer things. And, it's good PR, just like your witty remarks about bitterness! Right now, I'm into 327 causes and my latest is "Better Food For The Rich." And, if you need a reference, call a Mr. Brad Pitt. He condones all my doings. Ciao, Angie!"
There's your sampling. Yes, this road to the Presidency is becoming very tortuous. By the way, we're looking for this guy, McCain. Word is that he's the Republican candidate.