Newly renamed Pope Benedict the First, the first true Pope that the one true Church deserves, was interviewed by the distinguished members of the American religious press, most of whom have been obituary writers who don't know and can't tell shinola from shit any better than they can spot the difference between theology and a thesaurus.
Reporter 1: Papa Zinger, you seem so certain that abortion is wrong, yet you have never fathered a fetus, been pregnant or been a woman. Doesn't this cause you a small measure of doubt about the certitude of your dogmatic commands?
Pope the First: NO, Jesus tells me so!
Reporter 2: Well, with all due respect, Papa Panzer, Jesus , according to the teaching of your one true Church was never any of those things either...
Vicar of Christ: God told Jesus so!
Reporter 3: That's tautology, Herr Professor. God has no body according to your one true church teaching. Therefore, no fathering, no pregnancy, no va- jay jay
Papa Ratzinger: When you have God on your side, you do not need puny things like logic. God told Jesus and Jesus told me and I am telling you. You just need to say: Seig Heil, Herr Papa Commandant.