It is the eve before Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley sex themed wedding and yet he is in the bed of another, that is right, Harry James Potter is in bed with Sophie his mistress of five blissful years.
Harry: Come on, don't look at me like that I now I don't want me to marry Ginny but it is the way it has to be babe.
Harry: because that is the way J.k Rowling wrote it, but the books never said I couldn't keep on mistress on the side.
Sophie: but I don't want to be your bit on the side Harry.
Harry: I know, don't worry as soon as I work out how best to kill Ginny off we will be able to be together! (Glances at his watch) oh god is that the time? I have to go Neville and Ron are taking me out to a strip club for a stag do.
Harry leaves for his exiciting night of naked woman and fluffy handcuff, but Sophie is not sad, far from it, because a bitchy plan has formed in her clever little head.
Outside the skies are a dreary colour of grey not to dissimilar to the colour of Hogwarts school uniform and you don't have to listen too carefully to hear the loud crackle of thunder. But this should be the happiest day of Harry and Ginny's life so to them it shouldn't matter if they have to get married in a tsunami. Inside the small chapel there is a large number of witches and wizards from far and wide gathered together to celebrate the bringing together of the young couple. To the naked eye the ceremony may look normal but if you take a closer look you will see that the congregation are dressed in very peculiar attire, this is because this wedding has a sex theme to it and everyone is dressed in sex outfits. Hermione has come as a sexy nurse in a PVC uniform, Dumbledore has come in a lady candy thong with matching bra and Voldermort has come stark naked. Even the vicar has joined in, dressed in yellow y-fronts and spinning dickie bow. There are a couple of pole dancers the front dancing rather saucy dances.
Harry is at the front dressed in a black thong and bow tie, the music (just a little by Liberty X) starts up and Ginny comes down the aisle in a dress that is so short some would call it a belt and you can so see her suspenders and fishnets.
Music: sexy every think about you so sexyyyyyyyyy...........Etc
Ron: (best man) cor she looks hot!
Harry: she is your sister and my bride to be so shut up.
Ron: yeah but you do remember the tradition of sex themed weddings don't you? The bride has to have sex with all the male guest while everyone else watches!
It is too late for Harry to object to all 69798 male guests doing his wife because Ginny has arrived at the front of the church.
Vicar: we are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Ginny and Harry, before we begin if any of you know of an lawful impediment why these two should not marry please speak now or forever hold your silence.
There is a silence in the church, but not for long as this is the time that Sophie decides to make her entrance.
Sophie: I object!
Vicar: oh must you we haven't got to the bit were the bride puts the ring on the groom's penis or where the bridesmaid's give me a lap dance! They are my favourite bits! Plus you haven't come in sex attire so I should really throw you out....but if you are prepared to have sex with me, you can stay.
Sophie: no you sick pervert I objected because I am in love with Harry and I think that he is in love with me, I mean he doesn't even need to use penis erectus when we are getting it on.
Ginny: (turning to harry) is this true?
Harry: yes, I am sorry Ginny it is I don't love you the way I love Sophie.
Ginny: I don't care if you love her, you have to marry me anyway, it is the words on J.K Rowling. But what I mean is can you get it up immediately with her and you don't even have to use a charm like you do with me.
Harry: (looks at Sophie lovingly) yes one look at her and I am up.
Ginny: Doesn't me dressed in this slutty number turn you on? Do you not want to rip off my dress and shag the living day lights out of me?
Vicar: I do
Harry: (ignoring the dirty vicar's comments) Sorry no it just doesn't do it for me, I love Sophie.
And he walks up to Sophie and passionately kisses her.
Crowd: (wolf whistles)
Harry: alas, it is the word from above (J.K Rowling) that I have to marry the ginger.
J.k: NO (standing up dressed in her sequin thong) I was wrong, I now see that Ginny was not the woman for you. Infact it all makes sense of course you shall marry this muggle girl Sophie, I shall ring my publishers immediately and change the book so that you can marry Sophie and have ten children and that you first male born shall be named Harrry Jammes and marry vanesssa ssimon(Abi and the bodyguards daughter) when he comes of age.
Vicar: I think this calls for a celebration, to the broom cupboards!
And that is how this very happy story ends because this very ordinary muggle had got her very famous wizard and he was all hers!