Dear Kent Pete.
Please help me. I'm 22 years of age, live in Canterbury and have been married for just over two years. I have a one year old child and my husband Tony is currently working away for eight months in the Middle East.
I am Dutch by birth and have come to Kent to stay with Tony's family whilst he is away. He has only been gone for two months and already I have slept with six other men, one of which was a threesome/swinger type situation. I have no real attachment to these men, it is just when I have had too much white wine I want no strings attached kinky sex.
My husband and I don't have any problems and he is a wonderful man, but whilst he is away part of me just wants to have fun. I don't know how to stop. I can when I'm sober but once I start drinking I just lose all control.
Why do I do it ?. Am I just a bad person ?. Shall I try to stop drinking ?
Kent Pete says:
Let me start by saying that you are definitely not a bad person. You are still very young, and it sounds to me like you are not really ready to be this settled and married. That said you have a young child to consider and this must be your primary concern. It is good that you see what is going on and that you want to do something about it. However I am not too sure that giving up alcohol at this point is a very good idea. Perhaps you should wait until your partner returns so that you can get the support that you will undoubtedly need.
You did not mention what your husband was doing in the middle east. I guess he would be working in an office for some Saudi Bank or perhaps working as a teacher in a school. Or possibly he is a soldier in the Army? A Royal Marine perhaps? I would be grateful if you could forward me this information as soon as you can!
You say you live in Canterbury. I know it well as I have a small cottage there myself which I tend to use most weekends. I often drink in Alberrys Wine Bar in St Margaret's Street and will be in there this Saturday at around 7:30 pm.
I don't think deep down you are completely content, there seems to be a part of you which is looking for something else. Only you can decide what to do, but personally I would not make any major changes at the moment. Possibly continue to do what you are doing until your husband returns in six months time. I am sure things will seem clearer then.
Love and Kindness