Written by Mark Kentish Smith

Print this
Tags: Money

Saturday, 5 April 2008

Congratulations! You're going for it. You've 'umm'd' and 'aah'd' for long enough. And now you're going to make a deposit at a place that offers FLEXIBLE TERM, LOW INTEREST (over the duration of your deposit), and into which you can REINVEST and WITHDRAW at a time that suits YOU.

- It's time. Get in there! Open up your account and decide what form the deposit will take (preferably big cheques than a mere trickle of dimes!) And don't forget- if you have more than one cheque to drop off- that's fine. Banks love it! After all, 'the bigger the deposit, the greater the satisfaction.'(Lou Cozy- CEO Sunny Financial Investments Group)

- A warning! Make sure you are at ease with the final amount you deposit. Sometimes people get uncomfortable and feel themselves holding some back. Hey, Just relax! Don't rush things.

- Another piece of advice. Be certain the bank offers the kind of privacy you deserve. You must feel a sense of security with your deposit. Otherwise you'll soon find that you are putting yourself under a whole lot of unnecessary strain.

- Finally, steer clear of an account in two names- in my opinion you're just setting yourself up for a big stink!

So, what are you waiting for? There are a huge number of banks out there only too willing to accept your personal deposits.

I can see you're bursting to go! Don't fight it: Go with the flow.

(Author's Note: The above financial advice was written in conjunction with 'Port-A-Potty Industries Inc'. My heartfelt thanks to them for all their time and assistance).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this


Go to top