In a press release issued this afternoon from the underground bunker in his new $10 million home, retired Pastor Jeremiah Wright of Trinity United Church of Christ offered the following apology:
"It has been brought to my attention that before stepping down as pastor, that there were several people and places that I neglected to ask God to damn. I will attempt to do so now.
"I have always been wary of the Spaniards and Mexicans who introduced the combo burrito and orange soda to people of color. The Italians have likewise made blacks fat from pasta and meatballs. Then there are the Gooks. They just not right. I also don't like the moon, 'cuz it's white and it's got Jackie Gleason's face on it, a well-known white supremacist bigot.
"I would also like to add that I know of several white people who retire and are living in homes that are worth more than mine! Men who have never offended ANYBODY!
"If I've still left out anyone, goddamn you, too!
"Jesus was black with a big afro and had a comb he wore in it made out of fish ribs and a jackal bone. Hallelujah!"