Well, with all the sex scandals and other crap circulating briskly throughout the whole U.S., an enterprising scholar/writer has seized upon our childhoods to get important messages across to our school kids from 3rd grade through the senior year of high school.
Of course, I'm referring to those wonderful, nonsensical, contagious, blaring, and repetitive, well-worn Dr. Seuss books. Many of us grew up with them and many of us went peacefully to sleep after hearing such "ear candy" and seeing such "eye candy," as The Cat in the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, Fox in Socks, There's a Wocket in My Pocket, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and about 20 more. When we think of these, we remember the good old times. And, they were good old kid times!
But, I'm sorry to disappoint today's younger generation. We're now in deep caca! But, by using the Seuss formula (by permission of course), Dr. Funkus Alley Debunkus of the University of the Gifted and Special Titans and Titanesses, Muir Woods, California branch, and, home to the massive redwoods, has written some Dr. Seuss style, "Millennium Classic Shorties," as he calls them, to teach today's modern little wiseasses about current affairs and earlier affairs!
Dr. Debunkus swears that these 30-page or so tomes of "knowledge sprigs," as he refers to them, will spur our youth to bigger and better things, once they understand the history of the U.S.'s past 40 years, that is, before the ubiquitous cell phone became glued to every ear, 3 years and older!
So, launching in the Fall are the following "Millenium Classic Shorties":
Big Lies and Uncle Bushy
Ashley Mashley Very Trashley
Big Fed and the Foreclosure Stack
Fatty, Fatty Goes Down In Prezzy Chatty
We Have No Cash for Prosties
VP Shoots a Guy Buckshot High
Open Buckles and Congressional Chuckles
Horton Sees 'Em Snortin'
Mr. Juice on the Loose Again
Helper, Helper, Please Fix My Ballot Box!
Face Card, Face Card, Let's All Play The Race Card!
Open Flies and No Pee Pee Is Not a Good Goo-dy!
Hillary, Hillary Was Really Billary
As Airplanes Crashed, Bushy's "Pet Goat" Got Stashed
Gorby Tears Down A Wall and Ronnie Has a Ball!
I Did Not Have Honey Nut Chex With That Woman!
Gore Gore What a Bore
Bubba, Bubba Looked Like Blubba
Tinkle Tinkle on Ken Starr
Chelsea, Chelsea, You Ain't No Beau-ty
A Bad Pres Called Dick
Mexies Mexies Crossed My Border Across Texies
Bagels Bagels and Gridlocks
Elephant Man From Congress Visits The Pee Pee Airport Place
Many A Daddy Named John
Teflon Don Had A Bright Stainless Steel John
Use the Wrong Nail and Go to Jail
Intern Missy Jo Is Daddy's New Ho
The Best Christmas Starts with Ho! Ho! Ho!
One Call, Two Calls, and Daddy Has Two Hot Balls
Bush is A Dummy and the War Was Crummy
Veep Cheney and The Archie Bunker
We Saw The Cheney ByPass in DC!
Our VP Learned To Hug Lesbos 1-2-3
...more books coming!
President Bush called this concept, "One I can even understand, as I wait at the entrance to the greatness of America's future, because of my leadership style and fathoms of undertanding. These would befit an Admiral in our Water Forces. I speak for all Americans, East, North and South and mostly legal. We have barely scrubbed our surfaces of knowledges. Look what it did for me and thee! And, for you kiddies, I must now take a pee! Hello America!!!"
(reported by Franklin Benjamin for the COKE Network-Canada)