Please contact Ken Manboobs if you have seen an American Redneck – Male – that fits the following description and matches with the enclosed picture (right).
Answers to the name “Shusha” (pronounced Buck). Real name J.T. Rey.
Last seen wearing only faded blue overalls and one sock at the Talladega track infield going “whhhhoooooooo, wooooooohhhooooo”.
Identifying marks include:
(1) Tattoo of Daffy Duck done with pen knife and food coloring
(2) Scar on right cheek in the shape of ice cream scoop (Basking Robins accident)
(3) Random tobacky stains
(4) Varying degrees of ringworm around armpits and back.
Please be careful when approaching Shusha (Buck), he is likely to be intoxicated and irritable. He does have a gun but it is most likely not loaded. When cornered he does have a tendency to urinate on himself.
If found do not try to ride him. While he is quite good with my children I cannot guarantee your safety.
Shusha (Buck) has been with our family ever since he lost his job selling knock-off “piss on (your hated car brand here)” decals. My children adore him and fear him at the same time, but mostly they want him to come home.
Please contact me at shusha(buck)email@example.com.*
*This ad makes no pretense that any reward for the safe return of our Redneck is forthcoming nor should one be expected. I will make restitution for damages incurred while capturing, looking after, or transporting J.T. as that is inevitable.