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Saturday, 15 March 2008

image for Spitzer, Dupre, Silda, and Paterson--Recent Activities and Sheer Weirdness! Was the "Kristen" claim of unsafe sex with Spitzer related to an anal banana?

"The Current World Zine" reports in its mid-March issue that the principals(cast of "weirdo absurds" in the Eliot Spitzer Prostitute Scandal) are now living in another world...the world of the bizarre!

Eliot, the humiliated politico; Ashley ("Kristen"), the prostitute; Silda, the trained and silent "monkey;" and David A. Paterson, "Ray Charles Wannabe," and the next New York State Governor are engaged in highly-unusual behavior.

With permission of the "Zine," we give you a taste of madness brought on by the sex-crazed ex-Governor of New York State. It just shows, once again, that when the penis stands, forget anything rational.

Presented below are their new e-mail addresses: They will accept e-mail only if you talk about your own sex life! (Hint: Make it up!)

Eliot Spitzer EliotNoSexShitOutOfLove@ny.usa.exgov

Ashley Alexandra Dupré TempNotBalling@TesticleTestifying.gov

Silda Spitzer ShitOnEliot@HidingOutWithStudGuru.net

David A. Paterson BlindNewGov@BlindLeadingBlind.usa.ny.happygov/chitlin

"The Current World Zine" even gives us a glimpse of recent activities of our cast of characters, ever since Mr. Spitzer admitted his "pants had been on fire eight times recently and wouldn't be showing up, anymore, as Governor of New York State." He regretted losing his parking space. While interviewed, he had to be interrupted at times, as he was talking by cell phone to a "hot coed" (his words) attending The State University of New York at Albany for a tryst at a Motel 8 that very evening. He laughed when we called him, "a horny jack rabbit."

Currently:

Spitzer: Horrible fighting with wife; all Governor's dishes smashed; hourly cursing of FBI and The New York Times; "Daddy Made A Mistake" story (written by Mr. Spitzer)for all three daughters; one daughter writing a term paper for school: "Why My Daddy Is A Philandering Piece of Turd"


Dupré: Likes the name, but feels the accent mark on the e in Dupré will cause problems; raves to friends that ex-Gov Spitzer is a horny-humping stallion and wore her out (ruined a recording session for her from fatigue); song being worked on now in studio: "Love My E-L-I-O-T" (this writer: sounds like a female Michael Bolton and is grating on the ears); seeking author for a bio, TV, and Hollywood movie; claims her "singing ain't rotten;" wonders: "What more can I do with my mucous membranes;"? sees this episode in her life, as her big break; cannot explain the "huge-nose" photo; claims she's very hot and can even please 80+ year old politicians (her favorite "score"); desperately wants a Hollywod career at any personal cost; appearances on Leno, Letterman, and O'Brien planned (actually on them on TV!)


Silda: Often seen visiting monkey, Silda, in New York City's Central Park Zoo; broke all of Governor's dishes; constantly crying, while Eliot shouts, "Shut up bitch! Dammit, it's all your fault! You dont like cock;!" she and daughters "processing" now with Indian guru; thinking of changing her name to Elsa Schnitzer; seeking half of Eliot's fortune (estimated at $500 million) in divorce; asking details of trysts, so she can possibly win back hubby; doesn't say much to press; snubbed Baba Wawa for requested interview; wishes she could learn disposal methods from Scott Peterson; gorging on Ben & Jerry's "Chunky Monkey" ice cream all day


Paterson: Blind, new New York State Governer, as of March 17, 2008; will celebrate by getting soused on green beer, but he cannot tell color, so he will get regularly-colored (colored?!!!) Bud Light; will be made drunk by Republican opposition in New York State Assembly to gauge his politcal agenda; background music at his office: Little Richard, Ray Charles, Otis Redding, Screamin' Jay Hawkins, Nat King Cole, Snoop Dogg, and Urethra" (his nickname for the great soul singer---he always laughs at this joke name for Arethra; undergoing speech correction therapy and how to fake being able to see; assigned doggie help by Rescue The Freakin' Blind; favorite hobbies: saying thank you Lord for kickin' out the Heb; dealing coke; travelling to smell odors of foreign cities; digital smellography; KFC (late night requests of aides); comparing different brands of chitlin; wanting to meet that 'Ashley chile' (seeking a place for his "staff"); buying "fixed" New York State lottery tickets; "accidentally" copping a feel of all female state government workers; imagining he's Stevie Wonder with the highest-priced ho', while he's poorly singing, "We Can Work It In And Out!"

"The Current World Zine," your online rag, goes for $4/week, but "hottie-focused" issues, as the current trash, fetch $10/week.
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This adapted article was written by "Tell It Like It Is" Johnnie C. JC is a Puliten Prize crack reporter, specializing in sleaze and the seamier side of life. He emulates the famous Johnnie C. The latter(now food for the worms) would have surely said, "If Eliot couldn't get it up or couldn't fit, his mood would have been 100% pure shit!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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