Written by rewinn
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Wednesday, 5 March 2008

image for Presidential Remarks on Death of Gary Gygax "Mr. Gayguy Taught Me So Much!"

Washington, DC - George W Bush solemnly intoned words of praise and of warning, in a press conference called in response to the death of Gary Gygax.

"Mr. Gaygux was a great American," said Bush, "Bestly he is known perhaps for his invention of the game of Risk (tm). Many of America's Commanders-in-Chiefs learned basic elements of strategy from Jeff's game."

Reporter: "Sir, wasn't Mr. Gygax better known for his work, with David Arneson, in developing Dungeons and Dragons (tm)?"

Bush: No. Believe me, I played a lot of Risk in college, and learned many valuable lessons about how to conquer the Middle East. For example, you'd don't need to put many armies in Afghanistan to control the Middle East; just leave maybe one or two guys, it'll be o.k."

Reporter: "But, sir, Risk was invented by Frenchman Albert Lamorisse, was it not?"

Bush: "I'm not going to disclose all of the intelligence reports we have received from our allies, but one thing is clear: Jeff Gaxgay was well known as the inventor of Risk even before 9/11. You-all may be willing to take that risk, but I listened to the generals on the ground. And then I carefully shook the dice in that little clear plastic box. And - the most awesome decision a commander-in-chief can make - then I threw them right into the biggest pile of armies on the board. Heh - what a mess that makes! The other guys always quit if you keep doing that!"

Reporter: "Sir, do you have any final remarks about the beloved Mr. Gygax?"

Bush: "Heh. Yeah. When I am reflectful about so great an American, I hope my successors will look back on me and say that I knew when to throw the dice, and when to pass them on to the next guy. Because 'dice' is the plural of 'die', and Mr. Gugax has died, or as we say in Texas, passed one. And when I leave office, I intend to pass on a lot of dieing to the next guy."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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