Written by Andrew PK Yap

Print this

Sunday, 2 March 2008

image for International Terrorist Mas Selamat spotting and the top five 999 calls

Caller number one

999: Police

Caller: I think I have just spotted Mas Selamat

999: Can you describe for me the person you saw?

Caller: He is about 6 foot two and looks like Brat Pitt

999: Excuse me, but do you know that the person we are looking for is a Malay man about 1.58 meters tall and walking with a limp?

Caller: If he can escape, he is not so stupid and if he is not so stupid, he would be walking around in a disguise and if he is going to be in disguised, and if I were he, I would want to disguise myself like to look like Brat Pitt and make myself look 6 foot two.

999: Thanks for calling and please call us only if you see someone that looks like him and walks with a limp. *too too toooooo*

Caller number two

999: Police

Caller: *whispers* I am in the bus on the way to work and I think I hear a Malay girl talking to Mas Selamat on the mobile phone.

999: Why do you think she is talking to Mas Selamat?

Caller: ….because she started off by saying: "Selamat Pagi"!

999: er, do you know that "Selamat pagi" is "Good morning?"

Caller: …exactly she is saying "pagi, morning" to "Selamat".

999: Thanks for calling but please call us only when you are more certain of the information. *too too toooooo*

Caller number three

999: Police

Caller: Police! I saw a man disguised as woman along Orchard Road and it could be Mas Selamat!

999: Can you describe the person to me?

Caller: Well she or maybe he, is dark skinned like a Malay or Thai and is about 1.58 meters.

999: …and where did you see this person in Orchard Road?

Caller: Outside Orchard Towers…

999: Thanks for calling… but what you saw was not a man in disguised but a transvestite *too too toooooo*

Caller number four

999: Police

Caller: Excuse me but I have a suggestion to make regarding Mas Selamat.

999: Yes?

Caller: Can the police play for us a recording of his voice?

999: Why would you want to hear a recording of his voice?

Caller: Well you know what they say: "If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck". So far, we only know what he looks like and how he walks, but we do not know how he "quacks", if you know what I mean.

999: Thanks for calling; I will relay your suggestion. …. *too too toooooo*

Caller number five

999: Police

Caller: I was wondering whether I should call or not but I think I should let the police decide. I heard someone talking on the mobile with Mas Selamat.

999: Let me guess, did he or she started off the conversation by saying "Selamat Pagi"?

Caller: No

999: Then?

Caller: Selamat Malam (Good night)

999: Thanks for calling… *too too toooooo*

To see how the man looks like, click here

This is the author's, Andrew PK Yap contribution to the international effort to catch the man.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this


Go to top