Written by Ben Macnair
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Thursday, 28 February 2008

image for The Cat that ate Jeremy Kyle - My side Jeremy Kyle, nah, I ain't seen him mate

I am just a normal Moggie. I have done nothing to deserve the fame and recognition I get. I go out to all the hot-spots, the bottom of the garden, the end of the road, the Litter tray, it is a new club that is always shutting down and then opening somewhere else completely different.

I don't regret what I did. I mean, who would? I ate Jeremy Kyle after all. I am the Dog of the Walk, the Don, the Daddy of the street. Who would not want to be me right now?

He was an irritating, unsavoury character who was always arguing with bigger creatures than he should have been. He was just asking to be taken down a peg or two. I never meant to eat him, but I struck with a lot more force than I really should have. I admit that I felt a little ill afterwards, but no other small creatures have looked at me in the wrong way since then. Not even the Ravens, and they would kill me as soon as look at me'

Jeremy Kyle was the pet rat that the Smith family owned until last week. Mr Smith, the owner of the Rat said: 'Our Rat was a good pet, but it was starting to look like he would not make old bones, if you know what I mean? He was never really popular around here. He was always making an argument with people like. I am so glad that it was Tiddles that did for him, and not Colin our Budgie, I don't think he could have taken the stress. These birds are always high maintainence, but I suspect that you know that already'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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