Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

image for Alex Jones Must be Stopped! Peace Keeping Forces

A NOTE TO MY FAITHFUL READERS: Although the following was apparently authored by my future self, it was obtained through a colleauge using an unconventional method of clairvoyant forecasting known as "automatic writing"

"Lost ALEX JONES Media discovered"

From the open journal of F.G. Chen
August 3rd, 2015

Hello Friends,

It's getting harder and harder to find a hot spot these days, even in a town as big as Memphis. But thanks to so many of you patriots who stand in defiance to the Internet Content Security Act, I was able to secure one on the edge of town (the edge of which I will keep undisclosed). Rain is falling slightly and I'm hunkered down behind a dumpster in a back alley so forgive me if you find spelling errors and such on the pages that follow. I must type rather quickly lest I arouse undue attention.

As previously reported in my last installment, I was much saddened to hear of the murder of Alex Jones. I call it murder because the circumstances reported by our one and only mainstream media source, the aptly named NANA (North American News Authority), are highly suspicious if not down right outrageous (in this journalist's humble opinion).

To those of you who have not followed the story, let me give you a brief synopsis. Alex Jones was a prominent voice of the patriot community up until the end of 2010 when his radio show was taken off the air. This came as a result of the passage of the expanded Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Initiative that brought a virtual end to free speech in America (back when we used to be referred to as the United States-remember the good old days?)

About a year and a half later on "North America's Most Wanted" we find thAT aging twerp, John Walsh (a guy who really makes me sick!) devoting an entire hour to the Jones case following a warrant issued for his arrest on all manner of treasonous offenses such as "giving aid and comfort to the enemy", "the planned and organized intent to impede public services" and "encouraging, inciting or communicating a desire to interfere with continuity of government". In other words, Alex Jones was being charged with being a thought criminal under such vaguely interpreted laws that one could actually justify an indictment on someone who picked their nose with the wrong finger. The show would have been laughable if the implications had not been so serious. They painted Jones as a raving lunatic and did some very clever editing to distort his features when they showed out of context footage of him screaming at the top of his lungs about the government. They applied a red hue to his pupils to make him look devilish and distorted the shape of his head and painted purple veins on his temples that throbbed to the beat of the "Imperial Death March" they had playing in the background. They said Alex adopted this as "his" theme music as though "he" fantasized about assuming the role of Darth Vader. Of course this was all nonsense and could have easily been discredited if we still had the ability to communicate like we did in the old days when the internet was accessible to everyone. But those days are long gone and the establishment media has free reign to rewrite history any way they see fit.

But thank God for the OUTERNET! Otherwise I wouldn't be able to get this information out to you!

But I digress….

Anyway, that's the last we hear of Alex Jones…for a while anyway. They never find the guy. He's essentially disappeared from the face of the earth.

Then, about a year later, after the merging of all the news organizations into NANA, we hear them report that Jones had assumed command of an "American Al-Queda Cell" operating somewhere in the Mid-West and that he was directing terrorist operations throughout the region. Shopping centers were hit, postal workers were being snipered, racially motivated attacks were perpetrated against immigrants. All of this was suspected to have been master minded by the "Evil Alex Jones" and the resonant chant "ALEX JONES MUST BE STOPPED!" became a familiar catch phrase on many news broadcasts.

And now, almost four years since the search for the elusive Alex Jones began, we hear that he has taken his own life as Homeland Security Officials closed in on him following a tense stand-off at his secret mountain strong hold in a high, remote, almost inaccessible region of the Colorado Rockies. Early reports were full of glee as the gushing pundits gave few but encouraging details about the end of the "Jones Reign of Terror". Then came more news…

Now Jones was being framed as more of a "cult leader" than a terrorist. They portrayed Jones now as a delusional madman who had amassed an army of followers intent on bringing an end to all government and usher in an era of TOTAL ANARCHY! Of course most of this aledged "army" apparently died in the confrontation with Homeland Security but as days rolled on, witnesses (no doubt government plants and provocateurs) began to surface who claimed that they had just narrowly escaped from the Alex Jones "Death Cult". They told of unspeakable cruelty and how Jones mental state had deteriorated over the past months. They said he'd become increasingly paranoid and claimed he believed that blood drinking alien reptiles from the Theos Zoxon Galaxy had shape-shifted into the forms of all government leaders and that they had plans to exterminate humanity.

Then the end note to this saga came with the release of photos of Alex Jones towards the end of his life. It was him alright. But he was nothing like the burly man he'd once been. He was standing in a clearing by the edge of some woods. He was only supposed to be 41 but be looked like a 65 year old cancer victim. His head was shaved, he had huge bags under his eyes and a gaunt almost yellow complexion. He couldn't have weighed more than 100 pounds if he weighed anything at all. He was bare foot and he wore torn jeans and a dirty yellow wife-beater. His eyes had lost all glow. He looked as though he could barely keep the weight of his body erect but nevertheless had an assault rifle clutched in his slacked arms. It looked as heavy as a cord of firewood. I guess that was all the general public needed to be convinced that this was an evil and vicious man. Of course the witnesses claimed that his physical condition was a direct reflection of his state of mind…but we know the truth, don't we!

It's an old game and those of us who studied history when we had resources know all of their tricks. Now it's up to us to get the truth out to the rest of the world. That's why I traveled here to Memphis to secrure the only known remaining copy of Alex Jones documentary film so that you all have an opportunity to hear what this man really had to say in his own words. No reptiles. No space aliens. No anarchy. ALL AMERICAN!!!!!

Before I go I'd like to thank all of you who supported me in my journey to Tennessee. It took me over a week to get here from Florida. As you know I have no REALID so I must travel on back roads in "BLACK CABS" and other underground services to avoid the check-points on the main roads.

Boy how Memphis has changed. The whole city is in lock-down following the FEDEX bombings. The only vehicles on the streets are buses and tanks. Everybody is either riding a bike or on foot. Nobody looks each other in the eyes. All the stores are closed and the only place to get food is at WAL-MART (if you care to stand in line the entire day for a ration). Luckily, my contact here gave me a half full jar of peanut butter (reminds me of the lyrics from that great song by the Talking Heads "Life During War Time"--you won't a copy of that anywhere!), a can of tuna and some seeds for sprouting. That should get me home.

Well, I hear a HUM-V comin' on down the road so I guess it's "Happy Trails" for me! Keep the faith, brothers!

This sister is signing off!

F.G. Chen

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top