They finally got around to crowning the new Miss America last night, after leaving Sin City, Atlantic City for Sinner City, Las Vegas. The winner was a nice young girl from Muskogee Oklahoma. They don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee; they don't take their trips on LSD. They also don't burn their draft cards down on Main Street. They like livin' right, and bein' free.
So what is the new Miss America gonna get? A one year contract at the Chicken Ranch just outside the city limits, a mink stole, five thousand in chips from Binion's, and all the tips she can make. This was all a mistake. If they wanted to really Americanize the pageant, and make it really wholesome (and not an introduction to prostitution for the winner and her court of runner-ups) then they should have held the thing in Branson. It would have been the most exciting thing there since the rumors that Donnie and Marie were getting married.
To different people! For God's sake, what were you thinking? What a dirty mind. Jiminy Cricket! Now just shut up and read, I'm almost finished.
I really felt sorry for the contestants in this year's pageant. The talent competition was demonstrating one's ability to deal cards and work the pit. Miss Oklahoma was a whizz with the ball on the roulette wheel. She wore a thong and spit on the ball so that it would hit her number (17) and since she bet a dollar she won $335.00 in addition to all of her other prizes. The girls also had to serve drinks to the players and make change for the slots players, so the contest was a tough one this year. I kind of miss the baton twirlers.