After watching Mr. Bush's visit to the Middle East region, I, of course imaginatively, was granted an exclusive interview with the First Lady Laura Bush. At the beginning, I felt very uncomfortable, but she graciously helped me out of it. When I found my tongue, I bluntly asked Lady Laura why she had not accompanied her husband on the trip to the region.
After hearing her rationalizations, I blatantly added, "Madam, please, don't give me that crap. Surly it was not a stag party; you simply had no choice but to succumb to the will of your husband's hosts. Women in Middle East are their men's Achilles' heels. To protect this detrimental spot their owners need to attribute any available 4-character epithets to any woman who fails to cover up according to their divine dress code which 'altereth not'. By the way, have you ever seen any Arab leader or a Marxist head of state accompanied by their wives in public ceremonies?"
Next, I added, "Madam, I personally tip my hat to Mr. Bush, because he revealed a true American characteristic by holding up his own umbrella, unlike his Arab counterpart whose umbrella was held up by a servant. Later, Mr. Bush displayed another magnificent performance: while coffee was being served, he beckoned the coffee servant to come and stand next to him for a photo shot. Wonder if Malik Abdullah appreciated that toxic teaching."
Lastly, I said, "Madam, Mr. President linked arms with his Arab counterpart and started the deadly sword dance which has been performed by Arab warriors, throughout the history of Arabian Peninsula, as a preparation for going to war. Madam, that saber rattling and the subsequent unorthodox assault, at Al-Qadisiyah, Baghdad, 1400 years ago, brought down the great Persian civilization, thus paving the road for an impending second assault of the same nature.
"Before attacking Persia, Arabs sent a ragtag delegation, slinging homemade bows and arrows, to the capital of Persian Empire. When they entered the splendid reception hall, the Persian king, a weak naive king surrounded by potbelly superstitious Zoroastrian priests, was sitting on the highly ornamented throne. Undeterred, the Arab messengers did not bother even to bow. Anyway, the speaker of the group boldly said, "We have a message for you, man. You as a non-Moslem infidel have two options: either convert to Islam and step down as a king, or remain an infidel king but keep paying yearly hefty tributes to our Emir. Otherwise, this saber shall determine our fate!
"To save face, the King chose to fight. His army, being a state of the art, mainly relied on weapon system, consisting of deployment of war elephants, especially a legendary white war elephant.
"However, when the eyes of two war elephants were gouged out by two Arab warriors, the whole weapon system turned against their own masters. Consequently, the war was lost and a great civilization was annihilated!"
Here Lady Laura, for the first time worriedly inquired, "What happened to the wives of the King and the nobles?"
"Madam, they were sold in the market places of Baghdad and Damascus as infidel slaves to be used by Arabs, in addition to their lawful four wives, as 5th, 6th, 7th ,…sex tools."