Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton struggled this morning with bags under her eyes to pour coffee and greet the day. Reporters say that the two-term New York Senator received a visit from the ghost of elections (erections) past during the night and could not get back to sleep afterwards.
The splayfooted ghost in the form of her marley husband, Bill, and a young white-house intern at his waist wore shackles and chains and came at midnight dressed in boxers, smoking a fat cigar and shuffled across her bedroom floor with its pants around its ankles.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"I'm the ghost of erections. I mean elections past. And I've come to take you back in time," it said.
The ghost with two heads was reported to have transported the senator to the year, 1973 and the Yale Law School Library where she first met her husband.
"I see someone," she said. "It's a young woman. She looks like me. She looks happy and content all by herself studying her law books. But who's that? He looks like trouble. But look at how she looks at him in a motherly way. Maybe she feels sorry for him. Where are you taking me?"
Wordless, the ghost escorted her to another table in the law school, one a little further behind her husband.
"Who's that?" she asks. "He's kind of cute."
"That's Robert Reich," replied the ghost. "He graduated the same year that you and your husband did and became Secretary of Labor under your husband. You could have had him and you never would have been in this mess."
"Where are you taking me now, to another table? Who's that?"
"That's Clarence Thomas," replied the ghost.
"You mean I could have had him too?" she asked incredulously.
"Yes, he was at Yale studing law the same year that you and your husband were, only graduated a year after you."
"What are you pointing at under the table?" she asked inquisitively.
"My goodness, then it is true what they say about those guys. He must not be thinking too much about Brown vs. the Board of Education at the moment. Where are you taking me now?"
The ghost escorts her around a bookcase when all of a sudden Hillary cries out,
"Oh, my gosh! Who's that cute, young fellow over by the catalogue? Is that Josh Lyman, Deputy White House Chief of Staff on the West Wing?"