Written by JAB
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Tags: Iowa

Tuesday, 1 January 2008

DES MOINES, Iowa -- Don't ever let it be said that Iowans take their caucusing lightly. Here is a sample of some of the issues and questions the caucusers would like answered by the cocksure Presidential hopefuls.

"When choosing a Vice Presidential running mate will you use Match.com or eHarmony .com?"
~ Jerry Atrick

"If Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco were to have a love child, would your health plan cover it?"
~ Benny Fitz

"If someone sees a UFO over their local Johnny Rockets or Piggly Wiggly, will Dennis Kucinich be the only who'll believe it?"
~ Iona Plough

"Should Senator Kennedy have recused himself when questioning Judge Mukasey's attorney general nomination on waterboarding?"
~ Lee Derhosen

"If body piercing and tattoo artists are government regulated, why aren't earmarks?"
~ Ida Claire

"Should the Office of Homeland Security issue threat level orange at the Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport's men's bathroom when Congress is in recess?"
~ Olga Fokyrcelph

"According to the Kyoto Protocol is ethanol a vegetable or a gas?"
~ Ira Pent

"Jack Bauer has confirmed it, the Joint Chiefs of Staff has ok'd it, your finger is on the button and you're sweating -- are you using a solid or a roll-on?"
~ Clyde S.Dale

"Should a fat pole dancer be concerned about a G-7?"
~ Denny Grate

"What is an Aussie? (A) Sharon Osbourne's husband (B) an expression in a poorly dubbed Japanese B movie (C) someone who plays football with a prolate spheroid ball and no helmet (D) how you talk when your mouth has been numbed at the dentist?"
~ Theopholos Punnoval

"To help reduce greenhouse gas emissions would you encourage Congress to ban the use of hairsprays and synthetic hairpieces for all Congressmen?"
~ Anne Teak

"Do you think the brazen insouciances of Congressman William Jefferson (D-LA) and Senator Larry Craig(R-ID) are a leading cause of ennui among voters?"
~ Daryl Lickt

"If Freddie Mercury was suitable to be a Queen, why do think Prince Charles is not suitable to be a King?"
~ W.Anker

"Is the country ready to elect the first President, not to wear a codpiece?"
~ Dee O'Darant

"Since, Nicholas Sarkozy has become president of France our relations have improved. Would you still use the threat of "freedom fries" if those relations should change?"
~ Mona Lott

"What will be the official White House dog if you are elected President: a Whippet, Dandie Dinmont Terrier or a Bullshitzu (a cross between a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu)?"
~ Trudy Ages

"Would you be in favor of a pardon for "Scooter" Libby if he agreed to change his name to "Fibby" Libby?"
~ Matt A.Horn

"Should 'guest workers' be allowed to pick escarole, endive and arugula as well as iceberg, romaine and butterhead?"
~ Jose Canuc

"What is your favorite kind of waffle?"
~ Bette Wetter

"If you became President would you hold a summit with the Prime Minister of Canada to discuss his country's politically incorrect use of the word loonie?"
~ Moe Dalawn

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

102 readers are online right now!

Go to top