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Friday, 28 December 2007

image for New Year's Resolutions for the Year of the Mouse YEAR OF THE MOUSE

There are two moments that are guaranteed every year. One, is some politician/celebrity doing or saying something which is completely stupid, asinine, idiotic, mindless or moronic. The other, is New Year's Resolutions by some politician/celebrity which are absurd, ludicrous, inane, ridiculous or foolish.

Here then are the nutty, preposterous, imbecilic, puerile and meaningless Resolutions for 2008, the year of the mouse.

    I will always lift the toilet seat when I use a public bathroom

      ~Senator Larry Craig


    I will stop shaving my head and keep my vajayjay covered

      ~Britney Spears


    I will stop wearing Post-it Notes in public

      ~Michael Jackson


    I will watch "Weekend at Bernie's" with Fidel

      ~Hugo Chavez

    I will stop shaving my legs and find out what a vajayjay's for

      ~Jamie Lyn Spears


    I will only drink grande rattes

      ~Heather Mills


    I will never date another showgirl

      ~HRH


    I will shave my legs and open my vajayjay for another role model child

      ~Lynne Spears


    I will play "Stairway to Heaven" on my air guitar with Pope Benedict XVI

      ~Tony Blair


    I will kick Bill's ass if he ever buys me a red dress

      ~Senator Hillary Clinton


    I will be a Nutter like the Mayor of Philadelphia

      ~Prime Minister Kevin Rudd of Australia


    I will kick somene's ass if he doesn't buy me a red dress

      ~Eddie Izzard


    I will bend it again in LA

      ~David Beckham


    I will learn the Hokey Pokey

      ~George W. Bush


    I will train my Chia Pet to use the litter box

      ~Kim Jong-il


    I will change the image of my country from being the land of the loonie

      ~Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada


    I will shave my mustache so people won't think I'm a Hitler sympathizer

      ~Will Smith


    I will have a reunion with my half brother/half sister, RuPaul

      ~Ron Paul


    I will find a woman, who eats meat, drinks milk, wears fur and can stand on her own two feet

      ~Paul McCartney

Happy New Year Mickey, Minnie, Mighty, Itchy, Tom and Jerry -- it's your year!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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