Looking through our Spoof mailbag, I came across some letters you might enjoy!
I was reading your publication recently and think your home page is hilarious. Red AND white, with black letters. Priceless! Green would be funny too.
Roy G. Biv
Now I know there'll be no more tears in heaven, with that hilarious Charles Nelson Reilly on hand. Look, he's wearing a hat!
Feel the laughter
First off, we're all condiments. I truly believe that, and that we each have our own special gifts. Soy sauce, for example, works on rice. I don't get near that scene, I just don't hang that way. Hamburgers, I'm all up into that, but not rice. That's just how it is. So you see, each of us is special, can do things others can't, and can't do things others can. I'm cool with that.
But lately, what is up with you, mustard? There was regular and that was straight up. Dijon was OK I guess, but then Honey? Spicy? Zesty? Or whatever, I mean, get real. Ketchup is ketchup, that's it, it is it's own definition. And anyway mustard, why do you make water come out first when you get squeezed? That's rude, dude!
By the way, people do want me on a hot dog, no offense to your sensitivities which may get upset anyway. Sure I hang in greasy spoons and trailer parks. Damn right, but so do you, so don't come off all uppity.
It's not only your house anymore, I live there too. Try me on eggs as well. Sorry, yellow ain't so mellow, but red? Enough said! That's the way it is. Maybe you can deal, maybe not.
Dear Spoof Writers:
I tried to follow the recipe you provided on page 107 in your "Home Hints with Nigel" but my gelatin is still decidedly grainy and stiff. I did suspend some some bananas and strawberries in the mixture, and it looks pretty enough, but will it be ready for the St. Swithin's Day social? I had my parasol dry cleaned, it's quite fetching for sure, but I do hope my dessert will please, ever so much, as that dreamy Kevin Spacey will be there and I want to introduce myself to him. I hear he owns a boat! Well, toodles for now.
I hope you like my shoes
I love political humor. I heard that Bill Clinton said something funny once. Please create a humorous send-up from that. I anxiously await my payment.
Here comes the confetti!:
Is your belt too tight, Toulouse? Look at this, "A Net" Funicello (I guess that's funnier if you can see it). Dance with meeeee! I'm available for parties too!
When's the next telethon?