Do you drive with your parking lights on at dusk? If so you piss me right off. Good Lord, I can’t drive down the road without wanting to choke the life out of somebody. Whether it is breaking through an intersection when the light is green or speeding up to run a red light after driving below the speed limit for five miles I’ve had it with you morons.
I could never run for public office either, one way or another it would leak out that I hate people and that would be the end of that. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wake up this way. In fact I brush past the morning news filled with stupid people doing stupid things and I still have a damn sunny outlook on life but by the time I get to work I’m ready to pop! And what puts me, Ken Manboobs over the top? I’ll let you folks in on a little glimpse of me, what gets the boobs really shaking - the people I work with. That’s right, if you’re reading this chuckleheads you make me want to vomit when you have conversations that follow thusly:
Mary (18 year old mother to be, impregnated in rehab, high school dropout): Did you know that bumblebees can’t fly except that they can because they don’t know that they can’t.
Marrie (21 year old single mom, Community College dropout, compulsive liar): Yes, I did know that. Did you see that news story about the Vietnam Prisoner of War they found in China? He had been there for like 75 years.
At this point my nose bleeds and I pass right out.
What did I do to deserve this? I’m sure you good folks ask yourselves the same question daily.
That is why I am calling for a new National Awareness day to be passed into law – National Hit Someone Stupid In The Mouth Day. This day would mark one day out three hundred and sixty-stinking-five that we got to let the yokels out there know how it feels to be US and put up with THEM.
Thanks for listening, my nose is bleeding again.