Written by Ben Macnair
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Wednesday, 12 December 2007

image for Shock new pet sweeps the nation No, still not as appealing as a wasp

A shock new pet has overtaken Puppies, Kittens, Hamsters, Goldfish, and Scorpions in the race for most abandoned present in the new year.

Wasps, the spiteful bastards that caused a furore involving Donnie Osmond earlier in the year are now the must have pets for young children.

The creatures, the playground bullies of the animal kingdom are easy to care for, are in abundant supply, and provide an insight into many societies.

Scientist Mr Seymour Frink FRDCS, GCSE, RSA, RIB, PLEB, and founder member of PROLE in the 1970's said: 'Wasps will be a best selling pet at this time of year. Many parents are phoning Environmental Health for tips on how to attract Wasps in the winter months, because it is what young Tommy and Matilda want'.

Doctor Johnson, on the other hand said: 'This will be a disaster. We have many incidents of Wasps stinging young children, and this will only go up in the aftermath of Christmas. It is a time of year that is fraught with disaster. Will Mum and Dad like their eldest child's lifestyle choice? Will Auntie Flo still be going?
Wasps, as a present are the last thing that a family needs. Tommy and his cousins will be out of their heads on Sunny Delight and too much sugar, and that just leads to trouble'

Father Finnegan from the Church of the Holy Jedi added: 'Christmas is a time for families, and togetherness, the last thing that the nation needs is Wasps to add to the tension. It is bad enough to explain to young children when one pet dies, let alone the thousands of pets that would be in an actual Wasp nest. They are just mean creatures anyway. I would not give them table space, and I am a man of the cloth'.

Parents, we would beg of you not to get a Wasps nest for your Children this year. Why not get a Dog, or a big Spider or something first?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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