Written by IN SEINE
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Wednesday, 21 November 2007

image for "LOST!" Police outside Manchester Bus Station

In Seine news can reveal that Channel 4 and the BBC are in a race to produce a "Comedy of Errors" called Lost.

It could be about a short-sighted, man of Middle-Eastern appearance who goes to see a Chiropractor because he is certain of some spinal problem. For some time the man has been suffering from a bad back and claims Incapacity Benefit on the grounds of his poor eyesight. His details are stored in a big brother-type of computer somewhere in Manchester.

Never having been to the city before, the short-sighted fellow becomes lost. He wanders from street to street looking for the Chiropractor but cannot find him. 4 days later he walks into a police station and enquires of the desk-sergeant as to where the Chiropractor could be found, upon which the sergeant asks him who he is and where he's from. The man gives his name as Mr Grayham Green of Sunderland and the copper asks him for some ID.

Grayham says "I have no ID."

The desk-sergeant checks his name on the police computer.

"I'm sorry, there's no record of you - You must understand that we need to check on all kinds of folk these days and because of your appearance, you could be a member of AlQueda!""

"No, no, no, I told you I am Grayham Green of Sunderland. If you must know I have 8 children!"

"I'll check on them what are their names?" enquired the sergeant.

"There's Nijab, Ali, Kumar, Kali, Mohummed, Sahib, Dodi and Bill."

The sergeant eyed him with suspicion as he tapped the names into the computer.

"Nope there's no record of them either! I have been informed that the details have been lost in the post!"

"Listen, my back is killing me and all I need to do is find the bloody Chiropractor!"

"OK, OK, calm down Sir." The desk-sergeant could see that the man was becoming agitated and was showing signs of pain. "At least we have record of your name and I wouldn't think you'd come here if you were a terrorist…..If you go to the end of this street, turn right and then left and catch a #20 bus to the city centre, then walk 500 yards, you'll find Backhouse Lane. The Chiropractor is the second door on the left. Can you remember all that?"

"I think so" said Grayham.

"Just one thing, I wouldn't carry any bags or rucksacks on the bus with you - it makes the police trigger happy!"

Grayham did not get lost this time and found himself knocking on the Chiropractor's door about an hour later. After a quick examination, the Chiropractor exclaimed:

"Ahh there's your problem!!! YOU HAVE 2 SLIPPED DISCS!"

THIS IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE AMERICAN TV SERIES!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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